Ready to Begin

January 4, 2017

While I was writing my post yesterday I spent time rereading the letter that my husband had written to me.  I didn't share everything that he had said in the letter, so it's probably not clear why I should have been emotionally drained at the end of that post, but nonetheless, it was very emotional and I spent a good deal of time crying remembering all the moments that he described in the letter.  I just didn't have the energy to continue.

The book I am reading is called The One Year Book of Healing, by Dr. Reggie Anderson.  The book consist of "daily appointments with God for physical, spiritual, and emotional wholeness."  I thought it would be a good place for me to start gaining a new perspective and to start mending my relationship with God.

Day 1:  The Best Time to Start is Now
"My child, pay attention to what I say.  Listen carefully to my words. Don't lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body."  —Proverbs 4-20-22

I memorized the above scripture to embrace the idea that if I know God's word and allow it to penetrate my heart, I will begin to heal, emotionally and spiritually.

Day 2: The Power of Prayer
"Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord." —James 5:14

I will be honest, I have not wanted to pray in earnest for awhile now.  I have prayed for friends or family when asked by them to do so, and I've prayed for the people involved in accidents that I have seen on the road, but I've not prayed for myself specifically.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I couldn't see the point because God was just going to do what He was going to do with me either way.  I didn't get as much out of Day 2 until I was talking to Levi, my son, about what I desire for this year and what I am doing to work toward my goal.  On that drive, (we routinely go for a chai and a drive and talk) I came to realize that prayer is a crucial element in my walk with God if I am ever going to come to an understanding of the scriptures without hearing what some pastor, or some other leaders believe the words to mean. I need to be able to discern their meaning for myself if I want to have a personal relationship with God.  I don't want to solely rely on anyone else's view as I had done in the past.  Even though the church leaders told us to study the scriptures for ourselves and encouraged us to take notes during all church services, it was difficult to get past what those leaders had said. Their take on things became everyone else's take on things, especially when the same types of statements were made over and over and over. We met ALL the time and we were questioned, and even at times harassed if we missed a meeting.  They would use Hebrews 10:25: "Do not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." They made you feel that if you missed meetings of the body, then you were going against this scripture and going against scripture was going against God.   When I say we met all the time, I really do mean all the time.  We had Sunday service, Tues night Bible talks, Wednesday night service, Thursday night family group meetings, Saturday Sarah's Daughters (once a month) and discipleship times (with your discipler and with whomever you were discipling) at least once a week, plus quiet times (often in groups or one on one with your discipler everyday).  It was exhausting trying to be a good disciple, wife, mother, teacher.  My struggle now will be to drown out the teachings of my past and look upon God's word with new eyes, as if I am seeing it for the first time.  I am ready to begin.