Double Blessings

January 15, 2017

Day 15: Double Blessings:
"Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac's prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins." —Genesis 25:21

Today's reading was not particularly deep, but it was heartwarming.  Anderson tells the story of the first time he was helping deliver a baby.  Unexpectedly the woman was having twins.  She didn't know and Anderson did not know.  The only reason he suspected something was because when he "pushed down on the mother's abdomen, expecting to feel a postpartum uterus, it felt larger than [he] expected."  He grabbed the fetoscope and listened...there was a second heartbeat.

The point of today's lesson is really the blessings of God.  In this case, a double blessing.  "When we ask God to bless us, sometimes he unexpectedly gives us a double blessing."  When I pull my head out and really think about the ways God has blessed me, I can see that I have received many a blessing.  I remember asking God to bless my husband and I financially.  We were in a rather frightening position. There was a point that I thought we might lose our house.  We had a small child and quite a bit of debt.  My husband was working three, sometimes four jobs just so we could make ends meet. He was teaching full time, announcing at his high school's football and basketball games, chauffeuring, and delivering pizzas.  Levi and I hardly saw him. I was also working as a full time teacher.  It was rough.  I remember praying for things to change.  I didn't want a ton of money or to be filthy rich. I just wanted enough that we didn't have to worry.  I wanted to be able to get a haircut when I needed it and not have to wait for weeks to try to fit it into our budget.  I wanted to feel secure and be able to help others in need.

During that time of financial struggle, I was also under the stress of other things.  My mother was dying of cancer. I was often traveling 4 hours away to help my dad with her care.  My husband and I each lost $6,000 when we moved to teaching in a district that was closer to our home.  I was working on my Master's degree so I could eventually earn more money teaching.  It was a struggle balancing our work, school and travel schedules to take care of our baby, basically taking turns.  We were hardly ever together as a family, except to sleep.  My church leaders were pressuring me to not miss church services or events and would lobby a barrage of questions at me if I felt I needed to, even when I was helping take care of my mother, attending a class for my degree, or visiting my brothers who I only got to see once a year, if that.  My husband was stressed and frustrated by life's circumstances and the undue pressure I was feeling from church friends and leaders.  I was tithing beyond my means and was encouraged to keep up my previous weekly pledge and also to give to special missions.  I can tell you, my marriage suffered greatly during that time. I was fearful of leaving the church and relieving myself of some of the greater pressures I felt because I honestly believed that I would no longer be a Christian. If I left the International Church of Christ, the ONE TRUE CHURCH, as it was so often repeated, I would be falling away and losing my relationship with God.  I suppose in a way the church was right, I did lose my relationship with God, but not because I left the church. It was because I was angry with God for not answering my prayer and saving my mother.  It happened slowly and without my even really realizing it. My husband and I tried different churches for awhile, but none were like what I was used to.  I didn't feel as if I was really going to church.  It wasn't until I was away from my church and its teachings that I began to realize how damaging all of it had been to my vision of God and my perception of my husband.  Slowly, Kevin and I mended our relationship and I began to see him as "my friend and partner for life," just as we had said in our vows.  I was afraid to get involved with a church because I thought that following God (according to all I had been taught) would emotionally separate me from my husband, and I just couldn't bear the thought of that ever happening again.

It took several years, but God answered my spoken and even my unspoken prayers.  He blessed Kevin with an agent who got him a fantastic contract with Random House and he became a New York Time's Best Selling author.  We were able to get out of the extreme debt we were in and my wish to not have to worry about money was granted.  In that blessing came another.  Since we first got married, one of our dreams was to live in Colorado.  Today, we live in Colorado.  As I have mentioned in a previous post, moving here has been the best decision we could have made for our son.   We are in one of the most supportive places in the US for the LGBTQ community.  If you have read previous posts you may be wondering why then have I, at times, felt that our financial success is somehow not a blessing from God, but rather a stumbling block?  It's a fair question to have.  It goes back to my former teaching.

In writing this blog, I am beginning to see where my thinking has been wrong, which is also an answered prayer, a double blessing.