January 21, 2017 Posted today 1/22/17
I skipped talking about Dr. Anderson's book entry yesterday because I was thinking about the inauguration. So let me get back to Dr. A.
Day 21: A Tale of Two Sisters:
"The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences."
—Proverbs 18:21
There are quite a few scriptures that warn us of the damage that our tongues can do and that we need to watch what say. In today's entry, Dr. Anderson relays the story of a woman named Justine. Justine and her sister had a wonderful relationship when they were growing up together. They were never jealous of each other, but when Justine's sister got married, moved away, and started a family only to have her husband leave her and move in with another woman, things changed between the two of them. Justine's sister started putting her down, telling her she "can never do anything right," that her "perfume stinks, that blonde hair is 'out,' that [she] doesn't earn enough money at [her] job, and that [she] should go back to school so [she] can get a better job and make more money." The sister even picked on Justine's husband calling him ugly and a bum. As the younger of the two, Justine looked up to her sister, but was beginning to dread time with her. She wanted to have a loving relationship with her sister, but the sister's "cutting remarks made that impossible." Justine understood that her sister was bitter because of her husband leaving her, but didn't understand why her sister had to be so nasty to her. Dr. Anderson explained that the things that her sister was saying about her were not true and that she was just a safe target. Justine resolved to pray that "her sister would heal quickly so that they could have a warm relationship again." Dr. Anderson uses the anecdote to remind us that "people say mean things that aren't intended to hurt us. Instead, these words reveal the condition of the speaker's heart and help us to know how to pray for them."
Although what Dr. Anderson says is true, their hurtful words are a reflection of their own heart, it can be very difficult to take and very damaging. I have been the recipient of hurtful words and actions, but I have also watched it happen to others and felt quite powerless to stop it. I have a step-mother, a very unpleasant and unhappy woman, who feels the need to put everyone down and hold them under her thumb. Now that I am older I have been able to escape her torment, but I still have nephews who live with her, due to unavoidable circumstances, who are not able to escape and instead must endure her tongue every day and at times her hand. The other horrible aspects of the situation: She is a professed Christian and she is not consistent. One moment she will be as nice as pie, and the next, a fountain of hatred spewing biting words that burn. You just never know, so to be around her is difficult and you must steel yourself for whatever may come. When thinking of my step-mother and her behavior, I have, at times, felt the same as Dr. Anderson and I have prayed that she would heal, that whatever pains in her past that have caused her to behave as she does would be removed from her spirit. However, I have not seen a change and I do not know God's plans for her or how she plays into all of our lives. I do believe that we are all connected for a purpose. I'm just not sure what that purpose is in regards to my step-mother. I can make all of the guesses I want, but I will never really know for sure. My experiences with her were not all bad. It wasn't until I became older and started to have my own view of the world that things changed. I remember having some really fun times with her. We used to talk for hours and laugh together. She taught me how to jump rope and how to braid hair. For myself, I think her purpose in my life (at least right now) is to be a reminder of what can happen to our spirits when we dwell on the past, wallow in our rage at what may have happened to us, not forgive others for their transgressions against us (actual or perceived), and not love people and allow them to be a part of our lives out of fear of being hurt. I know that she feels deeply hurt by her past experiences and has allowed bitterness to reign. I wish it were not so, because that bitterness had caused trouble and defiled many, just as Hebrews 12:15 warns. "See to it...that no "root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." She has lost relationships with people she has cared for because of it. Even her own sons. One committed suicide and the other will no longer speak to her or have anything to do with her. The two instances are not related. In fact my two brothers were estranged at the time, but I can't help but think that things would be very different between all of them if my step-mother's behavior was more loving. It's examples like this that prove to me that guarding our hearts is of supreme importance. Everything we do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23). This blog is one way that I am guarding my heart, for through it I am seeing where my heart has strayed and I am calling it back.
No comments:
Post a Comment