January 31, 2017
Day 31: He Knows Us By Name:
"The Lord replied to Moses, 'I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you and I know you by name.'" —Exodus 33:17
Dr. Anderson starts today's entry with a story about a woman named Grace. Grace had been a patient of Dr. Anderson's for a long time and no longer considered him just her family doctor. He was family. Grace knew the names of everyone in the office and everyone knew Grace. Anderson considered it a great privilege "to be invited into the inner circle" of Grace's life. He was "honored to share [his patients'] journeys with them." He uses the story of Grace to encourage us to "look favorably" upon people that we meet and to learn their names.
We might think that it's not a big deal, but knowing people by name is one way that we can be encouraging and show that we care. I know that I appreciate when someone remembers my name. I don't fault them if they don't, but it is nice when they do. As a teacher, learning students' names was one of my first priorities. Within the first three days of school I would try to have everyone's name memorized (average 160 kids) so when I saw them in class or in the hallway, I could use their name. I also used to stand by my door and shake everyone's hand when they entered, giving a smile to each kid and welcoming them to class.
Even when we don't know someone by name, we can be welcoming by just giving a smile. I notice sometimes that I avoid eye contact with people. I am in my own little world. Since moving to Colorado, I have made a conscious effort to look up more and smile at people I meet—neighbors, people in stores, people I see at the gym in passing. I have also made more of an effort to look directly at waitstaff and cashiers. I don't know why, but I tend to look down at the ground or at the table, or at the register conveyer belt or card machine, or past people. I catch myself doing it and remind myself to look up at the person and really see them. It doesn't take much effort to look into someone's eyes and offer them a smile.
As we navigate the next four years, I think small kindnesses are going to be especially important.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Monday, January 30, 2017
Love Supreme
January 30, 2017
Day 30: God's Unfailing Love:
"I am always aware of your unfailing love, and I have lived according to your truth." —Psalm 26:3
Dr. Anderson uses today's scripture to remind us that when we live according to God's truth, we can always be aware of his unfailing love.
I haven't really thought about it quite like that, but it makes perfect sense. The reason we lose sight of God's unfailing love is because we drift away from His truth. I have experienced this first hand several times in my life. You would think I would have learned by now that if I want to feel God's unfailing love, then I need to stay close to Him. I say close to Him because you can be heavily involved in a church, going through all the motions that you've been taught, having the outward appearance of a Christian and still not be close to God. If you have been reading this blog, then you know that I have been there and done that. It is not to say that God has not loved me unfailingly when I have strayed away from Him, or worse, ignored or misrepresented Him. The reason that there have been times (like recently) that I have not felt his love is because I have been blinded by my fear, doubt, and disappointment and have missed the moments when He has moved close to me and has blessed me.
So...
Here's to staying close to God
Here's to relying on His word to guide me
Here's to trusting Him with my dreams
Here's to believing in love supreme
Day 30: God's Unfailing Love:
"I am always aware of your unfailing love, and I have lived according to your truth." —Psalm 26:3
Dr. Anderson uses today's scripture to remind us that when we live according to God's truth, we can always be aware of his unfailing love.
I haven't really thought about it quite like that, but it makes perfect sense. The reason we lose sight of God's unfailing love is because we drift away from His truth. I have experienced this first hand several times in my life. You would think I would have learned by now that if I want to feel God's unfailing love, then I need to stay close to Him. I say close to Him because you can be heavily involved in a church, going through all the motions that you've been taught, having the outward appearance of a Christian and still not be close to God. If you have been reading this blog, then you know that I have been there and done that. It is not to say that God has not loved me unfailingly when I have strayed away from Him, or worse, ignored or misrepresented Him. The reason that there have been times (like recently) that I have not felt his love is because I have been blinded by my fear, doubt, and disappointment and have missed the moments when He has moved close to me and has blessed me.
So...
Here's to staying close to God
Here's to relying on His word to guide me
Here's to trusting Him with my dreams
Here's to believing in love supreme
Sunday, January 29, 2017
God Remains Faithful
January 29, 2017
Day 29: Medicine Changes, God Does Not:
"Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." —James 1:17
Today, Anderson shares a very simple truth—God never changes. "The same prayers of hope and healing prayed for patients thirty years ago, fifty years ago, one hundred years ago, even one thousand years ago, are still heard at the beside here and now." As doctors and scientists have become more knowledgable about the body, mind, and world, medicine has changed, but God remains the same The methods He uses to help us heal may change with the advancement of human discovery, but God himself does not change. We don't have to worry about falling pray to His whims and fancies like the Greeks had to with their gods.
So... as I scroll my Facebook homepage and see post after post of the injustices of Trump's brave new world: the regulatory powers of federal agencies he's frozen; the silencing of the Nation Parks Service, the USDA, and the EPA; the lies (sorry, I mean "alternative facts") he is trying to get us to swallow re: inauguration crowd size and illegal voting so he can comfort his wounded ego; his reinstatement of the global gag order which defunds international organizations if they suggest abortion as a medical option; the HR7 bill; the continuing of the construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline; the ridiculously costly (and ineffective) wall that he insists Mexico will pay for (they won't and they've said they won't); the resignation of the entire senior level of management of the State Department; the 20 percent tariff on all imports from Mexico which Trump believes will pay for the wall (it won't, and it will only hurt trade); the idea that transgender equality is "absurd" and that torture of terrorism suspects is "justified;" and last, but certainly not least, the Muslim ban, which is far reaching and not simply Muslim focused (and it's only week one of his presidency) —I can be encouraged by the fact that God is constant. Even in the midst of all of these shifting shadows, these deeply frightening changes and unsettling uncertainties, I can rest assured that God remains faithful. So must I.
Day 29: Medicine Changes, God Does Not:
"Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." —James 1:17
Today, Anderson shares a very simple truth—God never changes. "The same prayers of hope and healing prayed for patients thirty years ago, fifty years ago, one hundred years ago, even one thousand years ago, are still heard at the beside here and now." As doctors and scientists have become more knowledgable about the body, mind, and world, medicine has changed, but God remains the same The methods He uses to help us heal may change with the advancement of human discovery, but God himself does not change. We don't have to worry about falling pray to His whims and fancies like the Greeks had to with their gods.
So... as I scroll my Facebook homepage and see post after post of the injustices of Trump's brave new world: the regulatory powers of federal agencies he's frozen; the silencing of the Nation Parks Service, the USDA, and the EPA; the lies (sorry, I mean "alternative facts") he is trying to get us to swallow re: inauguration crowd size and illegal voting so he can comfort his wounded ego; his reinstatement of the global gag order which defunds international organizations if they suggest abortion as a medical option; the HR7 bill; the continuing of the construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline; the ridiculously costly (and ineffective) wall that he insists Mexico will pay for (they won't and they've said they won't); the resignation of the entire senior level of management of the State Department; the 20 percent tariff on all imports from Mexico which Trump believes will pay for the wall (it won't, and it will only hurt trade); the idea that transgender equality is "absurd" and that torture of terrorism suspects is "justified;" and last, but certainly not least, the Muslim ban, which is far reaching and not simply Muslim focused (and it's only week one of his presidency) —I can be encouraged by the fact that God is constant. Even in the midst of all of these shifting shadows, these deeply frightening changes and unsettling uncertainties, I can rest assured that God remains faithful. So must I.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
I Can't Even...
January 28, 2017
Day 28: Back In The Land Of The Living:
"I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living."
—Psalm 27:13
Anderson begins his entry today with a quote from one of his patients who told him. "Everything in this world seems broken...like it's all upside down from what it should be." I personally couldn't agree more, especially right now as I watch Trump dismantle our country and its relationship with other countries. Honestly, I can't even get into all of it at the moment. I just don't have the energy for it, so yeah. Perhaps tomorrow.
Day 28: Back In The Land Of The Living:
"I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living."
—Psalm 27:13
Anderson begins his entry today with a quote from one of his patients who told him. "Everything in this world seems broken...like it's all upside down from what it should be." I personally couldn't agree more, especially right now as I watch Trump dismantle our country and its relationship with other countries. Honestly, I can't even get into all of it at the moment. I just don't have the energy for it, so yeah. Perhaps tomorrow.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Power of Prayer: I Have a Voice
January 27, 2017
Day 27: The Power of Prayer To Bring A Smile:
"Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony."
—Psalm 6:2
Today's focus is on the power of prayer—to heal, to soothe, to bring joy to others. As Dr. Anderson says, "We may never see the results firsthand, but our prayers may be the only thing that eases someone else's pain." His anecdote is about a old woman who had arthritis and was in considerable pain most of the time. The only time she felt better was when she was at church and was praying for others and others were praying for her. It is a sweet story and a good reminder to pray for others consistently. I used to pray all the time, everyday, even throughout the day as things came up or I thought of someone. As I mentioned before, I stopped praying because I felt that God was going to do what God was going to do whether I prayed or not.
As I change that line of thinking, I'm beginning to see the importance of prayer again. Not just for the benefit of those for whom I pray, but also for my personal well-being. By praying I am building a relationship with God.
Below is an explanation from the website wycliffe.org of why we need to pray.
Day 27: The Power of Prayer To Bring A Smile:
"Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony."
—Psalm 6:2
Today's focus is on the power of prayer—to heal, to soothe, to bring joy to others. As Dr. Anderson says, "We may never see the results firsthand, but our prayers may be the only thing that eases someone else's pain." His anecdote is about a old woman who had arthritis and was in considerable pain most of the time. The only time she felt better was when she was at church and was praying for others and others were praying for her. It is a sweet story and a good reminder to pray for others consistently. I used to pray all the time, everyday, even throughout the day as things came up or I thought of someone. As I mentioned before, I stopped praying because I felt that God was going to do what God was going to do whether I prayed or not.
As I change that line of thinking, I'm beginning to see the importance of prayer again. Not just for the benefit of those for whom I pray, but also for my personal well-being. By praying I am building a relationship with God.
Below is an explanation from the website wycliffe.org of why we need to pray.
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Thursday, January 26, 2017
Inspired By Love
January 26, 2017
Day 26: The Great Goodness:
"How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world." —Psalm 31:19
The focus of today's entry is on the goodness of God and how instead of running away from him, we should run toward him. Anderson speaks about his college and early med school days and how he had been an atheist until he met his wife. In a previous entry Anderson explained that helping his wife memorize Philippians is what turned him toward God and in this entry he adds that she also gave him a book by C.S. Lewis called Mere Christianity, (I just bought it today). Obviously both experiences made an impression on him and he became a believer. He admits that his transformation was rather abrupt, whereas many people's are more gradual. He says once we have turned to God, our minds are renewed and we become new creations. "The way we think about the world changes as we realize how temporary it is." He reminds us that God has "stored up goodness for us, and he will lavish it upon us when we fear him and come to him for protection." There is that word again, FEAR! I don't like that word to describe a relationship with God. To fear something is to see it as harmful, painful, dangerous, and as something to avoid. If I fear someone, I do not go to them for protection. I think a better word would be respect. When we respect someone, we listen to what they say. We deeply admire them and try to emulate them ourselves. We revere them. I think we need to acknowledge God's power and understand his grace, but fear has such a negative connotation. I wonder if the original Greek word was more like respect. A word that captured the idea of having a healthy fear of the power of God, yet a deep admiration and a desire to serve Him and be like Him.
Anderson ends by encouraging us to reflect on the goodness of God that awaits us in heaven and to realize that our dissatisfaction in this world is because ultimately, we were created for another. It's always good to be reminded that, as Albert E. Brumley wrote and sang:
This world is not my home
I'm just a passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue...
I looked up the Greek word for fear: theosébeia – God-fearing (veneration); godly respect, reverence.
So yes, the word leans more towards reverence and respect rather than how we typically denote fear. I wonder why the powers that be that translate the bible do not use the word respect or revere rather than fear. Fear strikes me as a word used to control people. Personally, I don't want to be controlled. I want my actions to be inspired genuinely by love and respect, not fear and uncertainty.
Day 26: The Great Goodness:
"How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world." —Psalm 31:19
The focus of today's entry is on the goodness of God and how instead of running away from him, we should run toward him. Anderson speaks about his college and early med school days and how he had been an atheist until he met his wife. In a previous entry Anderson explained that helping his wife memorize Philippians is what turned him toward God and in this entry he adds that she also gave him a book by C.S. Lewis called Mere Christianity, (I just bought it today). Obviously both experiences made an impression on him and he became a believer. He admits that his transformation was rather abrupt, whereas many people's are more gradual. He says once we have turned to God, our minds are renewed and we become new creations. "The way we think about the world changes as we realize how temporary it is." He reminds us that God has "stored up goodness for us, and he will lavish it upon us when we fear him and come to him for protection." There is that word again, FEAR! I don't like that word to describe a relationship with God. To fear something is to see it as harmful, painful, dangerous, and as something to avoid. If I fear someone, I do not go to them for protection. I think a better word would be respect. When we respect someone, we listen to what they say. We deeply admire them and try to emulate them ourselves. We revere them. I think we need to acknowledge God's power and understand his grace, but fear has such a negative connotation. I wonder if the original Greek word was more like respect. A word that captured the idea of having a healthy fear of the power of God, yet a deep admiration and a desire to serve Him and be like Him.
Anderson ends by encouraging us to reflect on the goodness of God that awaits us in heaven and to realize that our dissatisfaction in this world is because ultimately, we were created for another. It's always good to be reminded that, as Albert E. Brumley wrote and sang:
This world is not my home
I'm just a passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue...
So yes, the word leans more towards reverence and respect rather than how we typically denote fear. I wonder why the powers that be that translate the bible do not use the word respect or revere rather than fear. Fear strikes me as a word used to control people. Personally, I don't want to be controlled. I want my actions to be inspired genuinely by love and respect, not fear and uncertainty.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
By The Grace of God
January 25, 2017
Day 25: The Blind Shall See:
"When Jesus heard them, he stopped and called, 'What do you want me to do for you?' 'Lord,' they said, 'we want to see!' Jesus felt sorry for them and touched their eyes. Instantly they could see! Then they followed him." —Matthew 20:32-34
In today's lesson Anderson suggests that we pray that God would grant us the ability to see the world through His eyes. I actually have been praying for that because there seems to be so much hate and despair in the world. It's hard to see the good that may come from any of it. Yesterday started out fairly well for me. I read, wrote my blog post, prayed and felt a greater sense of hope. However, before long I was back to questioning everything from long held friendships, to the government's actions, to my ability to affect positive change. I was thinking, maybe I should just get rid of Facebook and find other ways to be informed and connect with people. I was overwhelmed by all the issues that I found alarming, and it was only day two of Trump's presidency. How can people not see what is really going on? Do they really think he has America's best interest at heart? Do they think because he says he is an excellent negotiator that he will get America the best deal in any given exchange? I can't ignore what I have seen him do and heard him say. I do not trust him or his cabinet. Nearly each of his appointments' philosophies stand in stark contrast to the positions to which they are being appointed, which is a fact that I cannot ignore. I cannot allow anyone to convince me that what I have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears did not happen, but that is exactly what he and his administration are trying to do. Gaslight us all. I'm trying to understand how people do not see what he is doing. Are they not seeing the same reports that I am seeing? Are they not watching the interviews of his appointees and seeing for themselves how unqualified some of them are for the positions they hope to fill? How his appointees dodge questions and evade the truth? Are they not listening to the briefings? Do they not trust the reports if they do see them? Do they honestly think that his plans are good for all Americans?
I must stop myself from this line of questioning because honestly, it is not doing me any good. What I need to focus on is what I can do personally to be a part of the solution. What can I do to best represent Christ through all of this? I can bring hope to the hopeless. I can help the needy, poor, and oppressed. I can listen carefully and give generously. I can treat others better than I treat myself. I must not allow myself to "be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21). If I see injustice, I must peacefully act because as it says in James 4:17, "Anyone who knows the good that ought to be done and doesn't do it, sins." We are our brother's keepers. Above all, I must love, even those who I believe are against me and whose actions strike all that I hold dear. One may ask, "How can all of this be done?" Truly, it is only by the grace of God.
Day 25: The Blind Shall See:
"When Jesus heard them, he stopped and called, 'What do you want me to do for you?' 'Lord,' they said, 'we want to see!' Jesus felt sorry for them and touched their eyes. Instantly they could see! Then they followed him." —Matthew 20:32-34
In today's lesson Anderson suggests that we pray that God would grant us the ability to see the world through His eyes. I actually have been praying for that because there seems to be so much hate and despair in the world. It's hard to see the good that may come from any of it. Yesterday started out fairly well for me. I read, wrote my blog post, prayed and felt a greater sense of hope. However, before long I was back to questioning everything from long held friendships, to the government's actions, to my ability to affect positive change. I was thinking, maybe I should just get rid of Facebook and find other ways to be informed and connect with people. I was overwhelmed by all the issues that I found alarming, and it was only day two of Trump's presidency. How can people not see what is really going on? Do they really think he has America's best interest at heart? Do they think because he says he is an excellent negotiator that he will get America the best deal in any given exchange? I can't ignore what I have seen him do and heard him say. I do not trust him or his cabinet. Nearly each of his appointments' philosophies stand in stark contrast to the positions to which they are being appointed, which is a fact that I cannot ignore. I cannot allow anyone to convince me that what I have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears did not happen, but that is exactly what he and his administration are trying to do. Gaslight us all. I'm trying to understand how people do not see what he is doing. Are they not seeing the same reports that I am seeing? Are they not watching the interviews of his appointees and seeing for themselves how unqualified some of them are for the positions they hope to fill? How his appointees dodge questions and evade the truth? Are they not listening to the briefings? Do they not trust the reports if they do see them? Do they honestly think that his plans are good for all Americans?
I must stop myself from this line of questioning because honestly, it is not doing me any good. What I need to focus on is what I can do personally to be a part of the solution. What can I do to best represent Christ through all of this? I can bring hope to the hopeless. I can help the needy, poor, and oppressed. I can listen carefully and give generously. I can treat others better than I treat myself. I must not allow myself to "be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21). If I see injustice, I must peacefully act because as it says in James 4:17, "Anyone who knows the good that ought to be done and doesn't do it, sins." We are our brother's keepers. Above all, I must love, even those who I believe are against me and whose actions strike all that I hold dear. One may ask, "How can all of this be done?" Truly, it is only by the grace of God.
 |
| The sketch above is a good reminder. No one ever said it was going to be easy, only that it was going to be worth it. |
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Less Fear, More Hope
January 24, 2017
Day 24: Soul Provider:
"At that time you won't need to ask me for anything. I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name." —John 16:23
In today's text, Anderson speaks of a man named Victor who was having back trouble and had been for a few weeks. He kept having to go back to Dr. Anderson for referrals to other doctors and specialists because that is the way our current health care system runs. Anderson laments, "With all the changes in health care, 'Mother, may I' situations are becoming more common. One doctor must determine whether a patient is sick enough to consult a specialist, who then decides if more diagnostic tests are needed. But to schedule the test, the patient must get permission from the first doctor. This creates obstacles that can delay the desired outcome of restored good health." He says that "it's easy to see how ridiculous this is in medicine," but we do the same in our spiritual lives. We go to friends for advice. We go to priests or pastors for guidance or "to request permission to ask God for grace and forgiveness—rather than going to God directly." He reminds us that Jesus is the Great Physician and our mediator in heaven. We can go directly to him. He is the one that "holds the keys to our spiritual health and growth."
I agree with Anderson that we should go to God directly instead of relying on friends or other spiritual guides. However, I also feel that it is biblical to seek advice from trusted friends and advisors. There are at least 6 different scriptures in Proverbs alone that speak of seeking advice and counsel:
Proverbs 12:15: The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.
Proverbs 11:14: Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory.
Proverbs 13:10: Through insolence comes nothing but strife, But wisdom is with those who receive counsel.
Proverbs 19:20: Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days.
Proverbs 24:6: For by wise guidance you will wage war, And in abundance of counselors there is victory.
Proverbs 27:9: Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man's counsel is sweet to his friend.
I think what Anderson means is that we should not rely solely on outside advisors, but that we should take our requests, our questions, and our concerns to God first. See what we hear Him saying to us before we reach out to others.
Anderson's lesson today is precisely why I started this blog—to go to God first. I wanted a new perspective of who God is. I wanted to overcome my reservations regarding His word, to see the scriptures in a new light and to be open regarding my past perceptions, so that God could show me the truth. Yes, I am using an outside advisor as a way of prompting my study and prayer, but through responding to the lessons that Anderson shares, I am reaching out to God directly. I can feel Him guiding me, reminding me of scriptures and stories that reveal His divine wisdom and His everlasting love.
As I was choosing a book to begin this journey back to God, I didn't want anything that was going to make me feel as I did while I was a member of the ICC. I didn't want to feel guilt and shame. I didn't want to feel judged and pressured and motivated by fear. I just wanted to feel God's love. I am grateful that I found Anderson's book because it has helped me approach God's throne with some confidence. Twenty-four days in and I feel less fear and more hope than I have felt in a very long time.
Day 24: Soul Provider:
"At that time you won't need to ask me for anything. I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name." —John 16:23
In today's text, Anderson speaks of a man named Victor who was having back trouble and had been for a few weeks. He kept having to go back to Dr. Anderson for referrals to other doctors and specialists because that is the way our current health care system runs. Anderson laments, "With all the changes in health care, 'Mother, may I' situations are becoming more common. One doctor must determine whether a patient is sick enough to consult a specialist, who then decides if more diagnostic tests are needed. But to schedule the test, the patient must get permission from the first doctor. This creates obstacles that can delay the desired outcome of restored good health." He says that "it's easy to see how ridiculous this is in medicine," but we do the same in our spiritual lives. We go to friends for advice. We go to priests or pastors for guidance or "to request permission to ask God for grace and forgiveness—rather than going to God directly." He reminds us that Jesus is the Great Physician and our mediator in heaven. We can go directly to him. He is the one that "holds the keys to our spiritual health and growth."
I agree with Anderson that we should go to God directly instead of relying on friends or other spiritual guides. However, I also feel that it is biblical to seek advice from trusted friends and advisors. There are at least 6 different scriptures in Proverbs alone that speak of seeking advice and counsel:
Proverbs 12:15: The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.
Proverbs 11:14: Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory.
Proverbs 13:10: Through insolence comes nothing but strife, But wisdom is with those who receive counsel.
Proverbs 19:20: Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days.
Proverbs 24:6: For by wise guidance you will wage war, And in abundance of counselors there is victory.
Proverbs 27:9: Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man's counsel is sweet to his friend.
I think what Anderson means is that we should not rely solely on outside advisors, but that we should take our requests, our questions, and our concerns to God first. See what we hear Him saying to us before we reach out to others.
Anderson's lesson today is precisely why I started this blog—to go to God first. I wanted a new perspective of who God is. I wanted to overcome my reservations regarding His word, to see the scriptures in a new light and to be open regarding my past perceptions, so that God could show me the truth. Yes, I am using an outside advisor as a way of prompting my study and prayer, but through responding to the lessons that Anderson shares, I am reaching out to God directly. I can feel Him guiding me, reminding me of scriptures and stories that reveal His divine wisdom and His everlasting love.
As I was choosing a book to begin this journey back to God, I didn't want anything that was going to make me feel as I did while I was a member of the ICC. I didn't want to feel guilt and shame. I didn't want to feel judged and pressured and motivated by fear. I just wanted to feel God's love. I am grateful that I found Anderson's book because it has helped me approach God's throne with some confidence. Twenty-four days in and I feel less fear and more hope than I have felt in a very long time.
Monday, January 23, 2017
Speechless
January 23, 2017
Day 23: When There Are No Words:
"Instantly Zechariah could speak again, and he began praising God." —Luke 1:64
Dr. Anderson uses today's anecdote about a woman named Martha who thought she was pregnant, but in reality had ovarian cancer (or at least what looked like ovarian cancer), to remind us that sometimes words are not necessary. We "can still praise God in [our] hearts."
It turned out that Martha had a very large tumor that Dr. Anderson and the gynecological oncologist thought was going to be cancerous, but it was benign. When they first found out that it was a tumor and not a pregnancy, Dr. Anderson and Martha prayed together and "[t]he pathology came back clean." The oncologist didn't understand why, but Dr. Anderson did and he was speechless.
He ends his entry by asking, "Does trying to explain what God has done in your life leave you speechless?
There have been quite a few times when what God has done in my life has left me speechless. I am often rendered speechless by the beauty of the forest and mountains...and even the ocean. When my father remarried, we all took a cruise together on a Carnival Cruise Line. The first night on the ship there was a storm. We were on a high level of the ship's sleeping quarters and the waves were still crashing against the windows. It was crazy and awe inspiring. It left me speechless, the power behind God's creation. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the waves rolling toward us. Lightening lit up the whole sky and I could see the waves far out towering over everything. It was incredible and something I will never forget. It made me think of Noah and the flood.
Another time I was left speechless was the day I gave birth to my son Levi. There is nothing like that experience. Holding my baby for the first time, I began to understand more fully the miracle of life and the love of creation—God's love. I had natural childbirth and brought Levi into the world surrounded by family and friends in my own bedroom. It was the greatest experience of my life and I will be forever grateful that God blessed me with a child. Being a parent has helped me to understand what it means to love unconditionally. I know it should not be this way, but for love to grow and last between a husband and a wife, there are conditions. There are certain expectations that each person must meet, but with a child, there are no conditions. At least not in my mind. I will always and forever love my child...beyond reason.
If I think back, probably one of the most profound experiences I had that left me speechless was when I was a child. I used to run quite free as long as I was home by dark. My brothers were often left in charge of me and one time I scared my oldest brother Lonnie half to death because he couldn't find me. I was visiting with a new neighbor far up the street. She had just moved into the house and was getting settled. Her grass had recently been cut and there was a dog rolling around on it. I love dogs, and this one seemed so friendly that I went up to pet him. The woman talked to me for awhile outside and then invited me into her house for some cookies. Normally, I would never enter a stranger's house. I had been taught "stranger danger," but I felt completely at ease with this woman so I followed her in. She gave me a few freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and began talking to me about God and how he has blessed her. She even gave me a little booklet that explained in kid's terms what it meant to give your life to Christ. I thanked her for her kindness and I promised to read the little booklet she gave me. It felt like I had only been there for a little while, but when I got home, my brother Lonnie read me the riot act because I had been gone for hours. It was getting dark and he had been calling for me up and down the streets of our neighborhood. I never heard him.
The next day I went back to the house to see if the dog was out and if the woman was home. The house was completely empty (I still get goose bumps when I think of it) and the grass was high, almost up to the sill of the bay window in the front. It was like no one had ever been in the house. I asked a man passing by what happened to the woman who lived in the house just yesterday. He looked at me quizzically and said, "No one has lived there for months." Speechless.
Day 23: When There Are No Words:
"Instantly Zechariah could speak again, and he began praising God." —Luke 1:64
Dr. Anderson uses today's anecdote about a woman named Martha who thought she was pregnant, but in reality had ovarian cancer (or at least what looked like ovarian cancer), to remind us that sometimes words are not necessary. We "can still praise God in [our] hearts."
It turned out that Martha had a very large tumor that Dr. Anderson and the gynecological oncologist thought was going to be cancerous, but it was benign. When they first found out that it was a tumor and not a pregnancy, Dr. Anderson and Martha prayed together and "[t]he pathology came back clean." The oncologist didn't understand why, but Dr. Anderson did and he was speechless.
He ends his entry by asking, "Does trying to explain what God has done in your life leave you speechless?
There have been quite a few times when what God has done in my life has left me speechless. I am often rendered speechless by the beauty of the forest and mountains...and even the ocean. When my father remarried, we all took a cruise together on a Carnival Cruise Line. The first night on the ship there was a storm. We were on a high level of the ship's sleeping quarters and the waves were still crashing against the windows. It was crazy and awe inspiring. It left me speechless, the power behind God's creation. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the waves rolling toward us. Lightening lit up the whole sky and I could see the waves far out towering over everything. It was incredible and something I will never forget. It made me think of Noah and the flood.
Another time I was left speechless was the day I gave birth to my son Levi. There is nothing like that experience. Holding my baby for the first time, I began to understand more fully the miracle of life and the love of creation—God's love. I had natural childbirth and brought Levi into the world surrounded by family and friends in my own bedroom. It was the greatest experience of my life and I will be forever grateful that God blessed me with a child. Being a parent has helped me to understand what it means to love unconditionally. I know it should not be this way, but for love to grow and last between a husband and a wife, there are conditions. There are certain expectations that each person must meet, but with a child, there are no conditions. At least not in my mind. I will always and forever love my child...beyond reason.
If I think back, probably one of the most profound experiences I had that left me speechless was when I was a child. I used to run quite free as long as I was home by dark. My brothers were often left in charge of me and one time I scared my oldest brother Lonnie half to death because he couldn't find me. I was visiting with a new neighbor far up the street. She had just moved into the house and was getting settled. Her grass had recently been cut and there was a dog rolling around on it. I love dogs, and this one seemed so friendly that I went up to pet him. The woman talked to me for awhile outside and then invited me into her house for some cookies. Normally, I would never enter a stranger's house. I had been taught "stranger danger," but I felt completely at ease with this woman so I followed her in. She gave me a few freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and began talking to me about God and how he has blessed her. She even gave me a little booklet that explained in kid's terms what it meant to give your life to Christ. I thanked her for her kindness and I promised to read the little booklet she gave me. It felt like I had only been there for a little while, but when I got home, my brother Lonnie read me the riot act because I had been gone for hours. It was getting dark and he had been calling for me up and down the streets of our neighborhood. I never heard him.
The next day I went back to the house to see if the dog was out and if the woman was home. The house was completely empty (I still get goose bumps when I think of it) and the grass was high, almost up to the sill of the bay window in the front. It was like no one had ever been in the house. I asked a man passing by what happened to the woman who lived in the house just yesterday. He looked at me quizzically and said, "No one has lived there for months." Speechless.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
A Reflection of Christ
January 22, 2017
Day 22: All In One Box:
"Whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." —2 Corinthians 3:16-18.
I love today's entry because it is exactly what I need to hear and how I need to think. In the lesson Anderson explains how he views his medical practice as being in the same box as his spirituality and faith. He says, "When I tell other physicians about the things I've seen, they often try to compartmentalize them, to fit them into a box formed by their own understanding—especially those who don't have faith in Jesus. It's as if they are saying, 'Your scientific training is the only thing that can be used in your medical practice. Your experiences should stay in a religious box.' In other words, they don't think my appointments with heaven should have any bearing on how I practice medicine." He says that he understands their point of view, but he personally "can't separate [his] faith from [his] training." He suggests that if we have compartmentalized our faith and have separated it from our jobs or our relationships, or if we have been hurt in our lives and feel separated from God, we shouldn't wait for a future event to upend our boxes. We should "ask God to reconcile and restore everything into one integrated box—his box."
I love the concept of one box, but it also concerns me because I thought I had everything in one box when I was a member of ICC and I fear going back in that direction. My heart is to do everything as if I am working for the Lord, as we are called to do in Colossians 3:23, but I am hesitant only because of what that meant to me in the past. I think I just need to not worry about the big picture and what it should all look like, but instead focus on the little things that I can do to be a positive influence in the world. It is easy for me to feel overwhelmed with the tremendous responsibility of the name Christian. I take it very seriously and my heart's desire is to be a loving, helpful, productive ambassador of Christ, not the kind of Christian that I had been or that I see many others being. My ultimate goal is to be a reflection of Christ from moment to moment in all situations.
Day 22: All In One Box:
"Whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." —2 Corinthians 3:16-18.
I love today's entry because it is exactly what I need to hear and how I need to think. In the lesson Anderson explains how he views his medical practice as being in the same box as his spirituality and faith. He says, "When I tell other physicians about the things I've seen, they often try to compartmentalize them, to fit them into a box formed by their own understanding—especially those who don't have faith in Jesus. It's as if they are saying, 'Your scientific training is the only thing that can be used in your medical practice. Your experiences should stay in a religious box.' In other words, they don't think my appointments with heaven should have any bearing on how I practice medicine." He says that he understands their point of view, but he personally "can't separate [his] faith from [his] training." He suggests that if we have compartmentalized our faith and have separated it from our jobs or our relationships, or if we have been hurt in our lives and feel separated from God, we shouldn't wait for a future event to upend our boxes. We should "ask God to reconcile and restore everything into one integrated box—his box."
I love the concept of one box, but it also concerns me because I thought I had everything in one box when I was a member of ICC and I fear going back in that direction. My heart is to do everything as if I am working for the Lord, as we are called to do in Colossians 3:23, but I am hesitant only because of what that meant to me in the past. I think I just need to not worry about the big picture and what it should all look like, but instead focus on the little things that I can do to be a positive influence in the world. It is easy for me to feel overwhelmed with the tremendous responsibility of the name Christian. I take it very seriously and my heart's desire is to be a loving, helpful, productive ambassador of Christ, not the kind of Christian that I had been or that I see many others being. My ultimate goal is to be a reflection of Christ from moment to moment in all situations.
Above All Else, Guard Your Heart
January 21, 2017 Posted today 1/22/17
I skipped talking about Dr. Anderson's book entry yesterday because I was thinking about the inauguration. So let me get back to Dr. A.
Day 21: A Tale of Two Sisters:
"The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences."
—Proverbs 18:21
There are quite a few scriptures that warn us of the damage that our tongues can do and that we need to watch what say. In today's entry, Dr. Anderson relays the story of a woman named Justine. Justine and her sister had a wonderful relationship when they were growing up together. They were never jealous of each other, but when Justine's sister got married, moved away, and started a family only to have her husband leave her and move in with another woman, things changed between the two of them. Justine's sister started putting her down, telling her she "can never do anything right," that her "perfume stinks, that blonde hair is 'out,' that [she] doesn't earn enough money at [her] job, and that [she] should go back to school so [she] can get a better job and make more money." The sister even picked on Justine's husband calling him ugly and a bum. As the younger of the two, Justine looked up to her sister, but was beginning to dread time with her. She wanted to have a loving relationship with her sister, but the sister's "cutting remarks made that impossible." Justine understood that her sister was bitter because of her husband leaving her, but didn't understand why her sister had to be so nasty to her. Dr. Anderson explained that the things that her sister was saying about her were not true and that she was just a safe target. Justine resolved to pray that "her sister would heal quickly so that they could have a warm relationship again." Dr. Anderson uses the anecdote to remind us that "people say mean things that aren't intended to hurt us. Instead, these words reveal the condition of the speaker's heart and help us to know how to pray for them."
Although what Dr. Anderson says is true, their hurtful words are a reflection of their own heart, it can be very difficult to take and very damaging. I have been the recipient of hurtful words and actions, but I have also watched it happen to others and felt quite powerless to stop it. I have a step-mother, a very unpleasant and unhappy woman, who feels the need to put everyone down and hold them under her thumb. Now that I am older I have been able to escape her torment, but I still have nephews who live with her, due to unavoidable circumstances, who are not able to escape and instead must endure her tongue every day and at times her hand. The other horrible aspects of the situation: She is a professed Christian and she is not consistent. One moment she will be as nice as pie, and the next, a fountain of hatred spewing biting words that burn. You just never know, so to be around her is difficult and you must steel yourself for whatever may come. When thinking of my step-mother and her behavior, I have, at times, felt the same as Dr. Anderson and I have prayed that she would heal, that whatever pains in her past that have caused her to behave as she does would be removed from her spirit. However, I have not seen a change and I do not know God's plans for her or how she plays into all of our lives. I do believe that we are all connected for a purpose. I'm just not sure what that purpose is in regards to my step-mother. I can make all of the guesses I want, but I will never really know for sure. My experiences with her were not all bad. It wasn't until I became older and started to have my own view of the world that things changed. I remember having some really fun times with her. We used to talk for hours and laugh together. She taught me how to jump rope and how to braid hair. For myself, I think her purpose in my life (at least right now) is to be a reminder of what can happen to our spirits when we dwell on the past, wallow in our rage at what may have happened to us, not forgive others for their transgressions against us (actual or perceived), and not love people and allow them to be a part of our lives out of fear of being hurt. I know that she feels deeply hurt by her past experiences and has allowed bitterness to reign. I wish it were not so, because that bitterness had caused trouble and defiled many, just as Hebrews 12:15 warns. "See to it...that no "root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." She has lost relationships with people she has cared for because of it. Even her own sons. One committed suicide and the other will no longer speak to her or have anything to do with her. The two instances are not related. In fact my two brothers were estranged at the time, but I can't help but think that things would be very different between all of them if my step-mother's behavior was more loving. It's examples like this that prove to me that guarding our hearts is of supreme importance. Everything we do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23). This blog is one way that I am guarding my heart, for through it I am seeing where my heart has strayed and I am calling it back.
I skipped talking about Dr. Anderson's book entry yesterday because I was thinking about the inauguration. So let me get back to Dr. A.
Day 21: A Tale of Two Sisters:
"The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences."
—Proverbs 18:21
There are quite a few scriptures that warn us of the damage that our tongues can do and that we need to watch what say. In today's entry, Dr. Anderson relays the story of a woman named Justine. Justine and her sister had a wonderful relationship when they were growing up together. They were never jealous of each other, but when Justine's sister got married, moved away, and started a family only to have her husband leave her and move in with another woman, things changed between the two of them. Justine's sister started putting her down, telling her she "can never do anything right," that her "perfume stinks, that blonde hair is 'out,' that [she] doesn't earn enough money at [her] job, and that [she] should go back to school so [she] can get a better job and make more money." The sister even picked on Justine's husband calling him ugly and a bum. As the younger of the two, Justine looked up to her sister, but was beginning to dread time with her. She wanted to have a loving relationship with her sister, but the sister's "cutting remarks made that impossible." Justine understood that her sister was bitter because of her husband leaving her, but didn't understand why her sister had to be so nasty to her. Dr. Anderson explained that the things that her sister was saying about her were not true and that she was just a safe target. Justine resolved to pray that "her sister would heal quickly so that they could have a warm relationship again." Dr. Anderson uses the anecdote to remind us that "people say mean things that aren't intended to hurt us. Instead, these words reveal the condition of the speaker's heart and help us to know how to pray for them."
Although what Dr. Anderson says is true, their hurtful words are a reflection of their own heart, it can be very difficult to take and very damaging. I have been the recipient of hurtful words and actions, but I have also watched it happen to others and felt quite powerless to stop it. I have a step-mother, a very unpleasant and unhappy woman, who feels the need to put everyone down and hold them under her thumb. Now that I am older I have been able to escape her torment, but I still have nephews who live with her, due to unavoidable circumstances, who are not able to escape and instead must endure her tongue every day and at times her hand. The other horrible aspects of the situation: She is a professed Christian and she is not consistent. One moment she will be as nice as pie, and the next, a fountain of hatred spewing biting words that burn. You just never know, so to be around her is difficult and you must steel yourself for whatever may come. When thinking of my step-mother and her behavior, I have, at times, felt the same as Dr. Anderson and I have prayed that she would heal, that whatever pains in her past that have caused her to behave as she does would be removed from her spirit. However, I have not seen a change and I do not know God's plans for her or how she plays into all of our lives. I do believe that we are all connected for a purpose. I'm just not sure what that purpose is in regards to my step-mother. I can make all of the guesses I want, but I will never really know for sure. My experiences with her were not all bad. It wasn't until I became older and started to have my own view of the world that things changed. I remember having some really fun times with her. We used to talk for hours and laugh together. She taught me how to jump rope and how to braid hair. For myself, I think her purpose in my life (at least right now) is to be a reminder of what can happen to our spirits when we dwell on the past, wallow in our rage at what may have happened to us, not forgive others for their transgressions against us (actual or perceived), and not love people and allow them to be a part of our lives out of fear of being hurt. I know that she feels deeply hurt by her past experiences and has allowed bitterness to reign. I wish it were not so, because that bitterness had caused trouble and defiled many, just as Hebrews 12:15 warns. "See to it...that no "root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." She has lost relationships with people she has cared for because of it. Even her own sons. One committed suicide and the other will no longer speak to her or have anything to do with her. The two instances are not related. In fact my two brothers were estranged at the time, but I can't help but think that things would be very different between all of them if my step-mother's behavior was more loving. It's examples like this that prove to me that guarding our hearts is of supreme importance. Everything we do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23). This blog is one way that I am guarding my heart, for through it I am seeing where my heart has strayed and I am calling it back.
Friday, January 20, 2017
In God We Trust
January 20, 2017
It is a sad day for so many people in our country and honestly around the world. Today we say goodbye to Barack Obama, one of our greatest leaders, and hello to... I can't even.
In the words of John Pavlovitz:
"Let the record show that I did not consent to this. Let it show that I did not vote for this man, that he did not represent me, that I did not believe he was deserving of being here, that I grieved his ascension. Let History record my objection to him, to the ways he humiliated women and vilified Muslims and threatened protestors and disregarded people of color. Let it record my repulsion at his tremendous cruelty, his lack of compassion, his contempt for dissension, his absence of simple decency. Let witnesses mark down my disgust at the way he boasted of infidelity, at how he ridiculed a disabled reporter, at the way he attacked female opponents for their appearance, at the way he marginalized immigrants."
"Let it be remembered that I did not look the other way when women accused him of assault, when the reality of his Russian alliances came to light, when he refused to share his tax records—though large portions of the American media and its people chose to. Let it be remembered that I did not buy into the fear that he perpetuated of those with brown skin or hijabs or foreign birthplaces."
"Let the record show that I looked on with disbelief as he spent countless early morning and middle-of-the-night hours following the election on social media, broadcasting a steady stream of petulant, insecure, incoherent messages instead of preparing to do a job he was ill-equipped for and seemingly not all that interested in. Let the record show that I watched him assemble a Cabinet of billionaires and bigots, of people woefully unqualified to steward our children, our safety, our healthcare, our financial stability—and that I was horrified by it all."
"Let it be remembered that my faith would not allow me to fall in line behind this man while so many professed religious people did; that I saw nothing resembling Jesus in him, and that to declare him Christian would have been to toss aside everything I grew up believing faith in Christ manifested in a life. [emphasis mine]
"Let History record my grieving at the racism and bigotry and homophobia that characterized his campaign, marked his supporters, and is evident in his assembling Administration. Let it be known that I was one of the more than 65 million people who voted for Hillary Clinton; who understood that though not perfect, she was an intelligent, experienced, passionate public servant with the temperament, commitment, and qualifications to lead and lead well."
'Let the record show that I greatly lamented the day of his inauguration, and that I promised to join together with other good people to loudly resist and oppose every unscrupulous, dangerous, unjust, and dishonest act this new Administration engages in."
It is a sad day for so many people in our country and honestly around the world. Today we say goodbye to Barack Obama, one of our greatest leaders, and hello to... I can't even.
In the words of John Pavlovitz:
"Let the record show that I did not consent to this. Let it show that I did not vote for this man, that he did not represent me, that I did not believe he was deserving of being here, that I grieved his ascension. Let History record my objection to him, to the ways he humiliated women and vilified Muslims and threatened protestors and disregarded people of color. Let it record my repulsion at his tremendous cruelty, his lack of compassion, his contempt for dissension, his absence of simple decency. Let witnesses mark down my disgust at the way he boasted of infidelity, at how he ridiculed a disabled reporter, at the way he attacked female opponents for their appearance, at the way he marginalized immigrants."
"Let it be remembered that I did not look the other way when women accused him of assault, when the reality of his Russian alliances came to light, when he refused to share his tax records—though large portions of the American media and its people chose to. Let it be remembered that I did not buy into the fear that he perpetuated of those with brown skin or hijabs or foreign birthplaces."
"Let the record show that I looked on with disbelief as he spent countless early morning and middle-of-the-night hours following the election on social media, broadcasting a steady stream of petulant, insecure, incoherent messages instead of preparing to do a job he was ill-equipped for and seemingly not all that interested in. Let the record show that I watched him assemble a Cabinet of billionaires and bigots, of people woefully unqualified to steward our children, our safety, our healthcare, our financial stability—and that I was horrified by it all."
"Let it be remembered that my faith would not allow me to fall in line behind this man while so many professed religious people did; that I saw nothing resembling Jesus in him, and that to declare him Christian would have been to toss aside everything I grew up believing faith in Christ manifested in a life. [emphasis mine]
"Let History record my grieving at the racism and bigotry and homophobia that characterized his campaign, marked his supporters, and is evident in his assembling Administration. Let it be known that I was one of the more than 65 million people who voted for Hillary Clinton; who understood that though not perfect, she was an intelligent, experienced, passionate public servant with the temperament, commitment, and qualifications to lead and lead well."
'Let the record show that I greatly lamented the day of his inauguration, and that I promised to join together with other good people to loudly resist and oppose every unscrupulous, dangerous, unjust, and dishonest act this new Administration engages in."
Tomorrow I will participate in the Women's March on Washington, as will many others across the US and around the world. I will join the countless women (and men) who feel as John Pavlovitz does. Trump will never be my president. He is not for us! In the words of Jesus, "Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters" (Matthew 12:30). I see Trump as a man who scatters. Like Pavlovitz, I see nothing resembling Jesus in that man. We are told that we can identify God's people "by their fruit, that is, by the way they act" (Matthew 7:16—New Living Translation). It is not to say that I believe myself to be above reproach (clearly). We all fail and "fall short of the glory of God..." (Romans 3:23), but we must also repent (turn away from sin) and strive to follow Jesus' command to love one another. "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34). Jesus gave up his life for us. I do not see Trump as a man who loves anyone other than himself. I have been taught to honor and respect my leaders (spiritual and secular), even when I don't always agree with their perspective; however, I am having and will continue to have trouble honoring, let alone respecting, a man who behaves as Trump does. But instead of despairing over the next four years, I am going to rely on God to protect and deliver us from the inevitable evil this man will bring upon our country, either directly or through people who support him. We can take "refuge in the shadow of [God's] wings until the disaster has passed" (Psalm 57:1). I will continue to speak up for those who are silenced and ask God to keep us safe and to protect us from the violent and those who devise ways to trip our feet (Psalm 140:4). God promises to "protect [us] from those who malign [us]" (Psalm 12:5). As our currency states, "In God We Trust." In God I trust—for I must, if I am going to weather the days to come.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Understanding and Peace
January 19, 2017
Day 19: The Wisdom Diet:
"Don't be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones." —Proverbs 3:7-8
As the title for today's entry would suggest, Dr. Anderson focuses his anecdote on diets. Many people can relate to the pitfalls of diet fads that claim to render amazing results. The woman Dr. Anderson was seeing had lost a total of 25 pounds in just two weeks. Great results, right? Yes, but it was not a healthy way to lose the weight and could cause one's kidneys to fail. Anderson likens Betsy, the woman of his anecdote, and her dietary plan to how we are with God. "We forsake his wisdom in favor of what we think will be a faster, better, or less demanding way to get what we want." However, God knows what we do not. "He is the source of all wisdom. That includes nutritional wisdom." Anderson encourages us to ask God to help us choose healthy ways of living, ways that will benefit both our bodies and our spirits.
Almost three years ago I set out to lose 50 pounds. I had gained a lot of weight due to stress, not eating well, and not exercising. I did not take care of myself and was running myself into the ground. One day I looked in the mirror and was completely disgusted with what I saw. Something had to be done. I was never one for diet fads and quick fixes because I knew many people who were and it did not work out well. They would lose weight and then gain it back and more. I knew that there would be no "easy fixes." I told myself that it took me years to put the weight on, it will take awhile to take it off. It took me exactly 51 weeks to lose the 50 pounds. I changed my diet by having at least 4 oz of protein at each meal, limiting sugar and carbs, and adding in a lot more vegetables. In addition to diet, I exercised for at least 25 minutes to an hour a day, six days a week. No more mocha frappuccinos for me. It is not that I relied on God specifically to help me by praying or reading his word, but I did rely on the wisdom of nutritionists, trainers, and the general biblical principle regarding diligence: "all hard work brings a profit" (Proverbs 14:23).
Now that I have removed the physical excess weight I had and have kept it off, my goal is to remove the spiritual weight of my past and realize the truth of Jesus' words when he said, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:30). As I mentioned in my post titled "My Current Perspective," that is not how I have been viewing being a child of God. I said that being a child of God is "painful and never easy. It's a constant battle." I do not feel that way right now, which is fantastic, but I still have work to do in this area. It's very easy to fall back into old ways of thinking, just as it is easy to fall back into bad eating habits. One old way of thinking that I'd like to avoid is the idea that I am not a true disciple of Christ because I cannot go back to living my life as I had done while I was in my former church. My church, though the leaders believed otherwise, was really a works focused faith. There were many things that we had to do to be in good standing with God, outward displays of faithfulness to God and his one true church (the ICC). Looking back I can see how we were, at least I was, continually striving to make myself acceptable to God through the things that I would do (works). To be fair, the things that we were being asked to do, such as attend all church services and events, study the bible with people, invite people to church, tithe sacrificially, be open about sin, open to correction and open to sharing and using our talents, not holding attitudes, being out of ourselves, serving and loving others unconditionally, were not bad things. It was the pressure and the importance placed upon the enactment of these things that led to a "self-righteous" fulfillment of duty, rather than an act of gratefulness, love, and acceptance of God's grace and his gift of salvation. Though it was not the church's intent, that was the result due to methods used.
I know that I will be battling my past perceptions for sometime, but I am willing now to lay these perceptions before God and trust that he will lead me to understanding and peace regarding his word and his will for me.
Day 19: The Wisdom Diet:
"Don't be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones." —Proverbs 3:7-8
As the title for today's entry would suggest, Dr. Anderson focuses his anecdote on diets. Many people can relate to the pitfalls of diet fads that claim to render amazing results. The woman Dr. Anderson was seeing had lost a total of 25 pounds in just two weeks. Great results, right? Yes, but it was not a healthy way to lose the weight and could cause one's kidneys to fail. Anderson likens Betsy, the woman of his anecdote, and her dietary plan to how we are with God. "We forsake his wisdom in favor of what we think will be a faster, better, or less demanding way to get what we want." However, God knows what we do not. "He is the source of all wisdom. That includes nutritional wisdom." Anderson encourages us to ask God to help us choose healthy ways of living, ways that will benefit both our bodies and our spirits.
Almost three years ago I set out to lose 50 pounds. I had gained a lot of weight due to stress, not eating well, and not exercising. I did not take care of myself and was running myself into the ground. One day I looked in the mirror and was completely disgusted with what I saw. Something had to be done. I was never one for diet fads and quick fixes because I knew many people who were and it did not work out well. They would lose weight and then gain it back and more. I knew that there would be no "easy fixes." I told myself that it took me years to put the weight on, it will take awhile to take it off. It took me exactly 51 weeks to lose the 50 pounds. I changed my diet by having at least 4 oz of protein at each meal, limiting sugar and carbs, and adding in a lot more vegetables. In addition to diet, I exercised for at least 25 minutes to an hour a day, six days a week. No more mocha frappuccinos for me. It is not that I relied on God specifically to help me by praying or reading his word, but I did rely on the wisdom of nutritionists, trainers, and the general biblical principle regarding diligence: "all hard work brings a profit" (Proverbs 14:23).
I know that I will be battling my past perceptions for sometime, but I am willing now to lay these perceptions before God and trust that he will lead me to understanding and peace regarding his word and his will for me.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
With Us and Before Us
January 18, 2017
Day 18: Better Living Through God's Chemistry:
"Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you." —Deuteronomy 31:6
I can relate to today's lesson. In it Anderson introduces a woman named Eloise who suffered with intense anxiety so much so that she was afraid to leave her house. "I'm swimming in anxiety, and when it gets to be too much and I feel as if I'm going to drown, I start to panic." Her husband left her and she lost her job and couldn't get another one because of the intense anxiety she felt. Dr. Anderson explained to her that "When we look at how normal thought patterns operate, the past, present, and future typically have equal focus. When one is out of proportion with the others, we see the consequences. If you're worried about the past, then depression usually follows..." (which is the part I can relate to most. Although I have had my share of anxiety, it has not been to the same debilitating extent as Eloise's). "If you're worried about the future," Anderson continues, "then anxiety follows." His goal was to help Eloise restore balance to her "thought life." He recommended that when she started to worry she should realize that "God is in control," and that we can cast all of our cares on Him. He also added that she should start therapy in addition to medication to help restore balance to her thought life. "God created our bodies with a certain chemistry, and we can use medicine to reestablish a chemical balance." Whether we use medication or therapy or a mix of the two, Anderson reminds us that we can be assured that "God goes with and before us."
I greatly appreciate the fact that Anderson, as a Christian doctor, looks at the whole picture and doesn't discount the power of medicine in addition to prayer and trust in God. He encourages us to pray: "God, thank you that time is in your hands. When I become overwhelmed with worry about the future, help me to reflect on your past faithfulness—how you have always seen me through times of difficulty and have drawn me closer to you."
Anderson's prayer for today is well-timed because just this morning, as I read through Facebook posts, I began to feel the sting of anxiety about the future of this country. There is so much to be concerned about in regards to human rights, health care, education, national security (both physically and financially), nature conservation, ... the list goes on. The president-elect is not prepared to run this country. All he really seems to know how to do is run his mouth. I have extreme reservations about trusting him as president, but bottom line, God is in control. He goes with us and before us.
I must not fear.
Day 18: Better Living Through God's Chemistry:
"Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you." —Deuteronomy 31:6
I can relate to today's lesson. In it Anderson introduces a woman named Eloise who suffered with intense anxiety so much so that she was afraid to leave her house. "I'm swimming in anxiety, and when it gets to be too much and I feel as if I'm going to drown, I start to panic." Her husband left her and she lost her job and couldn't get another one because of the intense anxiety she felt. Dr. Anderson explained to her that "When we look at how normal thought patterns operate, the past, present, and future typically have equal focus. When one is out of proportion with the others, we see the consequences. If you're worried about the past, then depression usually follows..." (which is the part I can relate to most. Although I have had my share of anxiety, it has not been to the same debilitating extent as Eloise's). "If you're worried about the future," Anderson continues, "then anxiety follows." His goal was to help Eloise restore balance to her "thought life." He recommended that when she started to worry she should realize that "God is in control," and that we can cast all of our cares on Him. He also added that she should start therapy in addition to medication to help restore balance to her thought life. "God created our bodies with a certain chemistry, and we can use medicine to reestablish a chemical balance." Whether we use medication or therapy or a mix of the two, Anderson reminds us that we can be assured that "God goes with and before us."
I greatly appreciate the fact that Anderson, as a Christian doctor, looks at the whole picture and doesn't discount the power of medicine in addition to prayer and trust in God. He encourages us to pray: "God, thank you that time is in your hands. When I become overwhelmed with worry about the future, help me to reflect on your past faithfulness—how you have always seen me through times of difficulty and have drawn me closer to you."
Anderson's prayer for today is well-timed because just this morning, as I read through Facebook posts, I began to feel the sting of anxiety about the future of this country. There is so much to be concerned about in regards to human rights, health care, education, national security (both physically and financially), nature conservation, ... the list goes on. The president-elect is not prepared to run this country. All he really seems to know how to do is run his mouth. I have extreme reservations about trusting him as president, but bottom line, God is in control. He goes with us and before us.
I must not fear.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
I Will Rise Again
January 17, 2017
Day 17: Slippery Ice:
"Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." —Psalm 55:22
Anderson's lesson today was a simple reminder to be mindful of others, especially the elderly, and their needs. He shared a story of an elderly woman who had fallen and broken her hip while trying to clear her walkway of snow and ice. She was on the ground for over an hour until someone finally found her. He uses the story to encourage us to remember the above scripture and to thank God for taking care of us, especially when we slip and fall (physically and spiritually).
To say that God does not "permit the godly to slip and fall" seems counterintuitive. I think the particular translation that Anderson was using is a little misleading. Of course we slip and fall, but I take it to mean that God doesn't allow us to be so shaken that we cannot recover. We can count on Him to help us up and move us forward. All we need to do is ask and be ready to take His hand
when He reaches for us. When I began this blog a few weeks ago, I was in a state of utter despair and deeply shaken. I opened up to my dearest friend about where I was at and her words gave me the strength to trust and cry out to God in earnest. I had been crying out, but I was still doubting. I wasn't really reaching for His hand. I wasn't reading his Word out of fear that I would see the scriptures in the same light as I had been taught them. I was afraid that I would only feel condemnation and a constant reminder of how I have fallen short and would continue to do so because I couldn't possibly go back to being the Christian I was when I was a part of the International Church of Christ, the "one true church." Much of the despair that I have felt has lifted. I know it is because I have been reading the scriptures and applying myself to understanding and connecting with them on a personal level and being open with my fears, doubts, and general feelings about past experiences. Speaking of past experiences, I know that I have not been putting the International Church of Christ in a good light by sharing how I feel I was manipulated and twisted by its teachings. I will say, I know that the people I shared my heart with had good intentions and felt that they were doing God's will and leading souls in the right direction. They were not acting maliciously, not on purpose and with the intent to harm. They were good people, trying to find their way, just as I was. Many of them are still members of that church, which, as I was leaving it, was in turmoil and examining its methods of instruction and discipleship. I hope they have found a better way, a more balanced and loving way to bring people to God and help them on their spiritual journey. I will also say that I will continue to work through my feelings and misgivings regarding my past experiences with the church and its teachings (at least how I viewed and received its teachings). If I am ever to have a pure walk with God, I must rise above my past.
Day 17: Slippery Ice:
"Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." —Psalm 55:22
Anderson's lesson today was a simple reminder to be mindful of others, especially the elderly, and their needs. He shared a story of an elderly woman who had fallen and broken her hip while trying to clear her walkway of snow and ice. She was on the ground for over an hour until someone finally found her. He uses the story to encourage us to remember the above scripture and to thank God for taking care of us, especially when we slip and fall (physically and spiritually).
To say that God does not "permit the godly to slip and fall" seems counterintuitive. I think the particular translation that Anderson was using is a little misleading. Of course we slip and fall, but I take it to mean that God doesn't allow us to be so shaken that we cannot recover. We can count on Him to help us up and move us forward. All we need to do is ask and be ready to take His hand
Monday, January 16, 2017
A Place Prepared
January 16, 2017
Day 16: Standing Between Two Worlds:
"As I looked, I saw a door standing open in heaven, and the same voice I had heard before spoke to me like a trumpet blast. The voice said, 'Come up here, and I will show you what must happen after this.' And instantly I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne in heaven and someone sitting on it. The one sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones—like jasper and carnelian. And the glow of an emerald circled his throne like a rainbow." —Revelation 4:1-3
Today's lesson is simultaneously heartbreaking and heartwarming. Anderson tells of a family who was having to say goodbye to their mother in a nursing home. She was no longer communicating with them directly. Though she seemed calm and relaxed, she was groaning, "like she did when [her kids] were younger and [they'd] catch her praying." Dr. Anderson had examined her a few days before and saw no evidence of pain or distress. "It's my opinion," Anderson told them, "that she's close to leaving this world, but only the Lord knows the hour. Her responses make me believe that, right now, she's standing between two worlds—heaven and earth. Though she's lying in bed, she's resting on holy ground. I know it will be hard for your family to say good-bye, but I believe she is already making plans for the reunion you'll have with her in your forever home."
Anderson encourages us to thank God for making a place for us and to ask God to help us to not lose sight of His glory in our daily life, but to always remember what awaits us in heaven.
The story is heartwarming because Anderson's words reassured them and heartbreaking because I remember how I felt when my mother was dying. I did not have the same assurance though it may have seemed that I did because there were no tears...not at first.
From the time I first heard that my mother had cancer, until the time that I received the call that she was admitted to the ICU, and even after that, there were no tears. There was only the desire to fight along side of her. To do anything that she needed. To “be there” for her—whatever that would mean. No tears.
Day 16: Standing Between Two Worlds:
"As I looked, I saw a door standing open in heaven, and the same voice I had heard before spoke to me like a trumpet blast. The voice said, 'Come up here, and I will show you what must happen after this.' And instantly I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne in heaven and someone sitting on it. The one sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones—like jasper and carnelian. And the glow of an emerald circled his throne like a rainbow." —Revelation 4:1-3
Today's lesson is simultaneously heartbreaking and heartwarming. Anderson tells of a family who was having to say goodbye to their mother in a nursing home. She was no longer communicating with them directly. Though she seemed calm and relaxed, she was groaning, "like she did when [her kids] were younger and [they'd] catch her praying." Dr. Anderson had examined her a few days before and saw no evidence of pain or distress. "It's my opinion," Anderson told them, "that she's close to leaving this world, but only the Lord knows the hour. Her responses make me believe that, right now, she's standing between two worlds—heaven and earth. Though she's lying in bed, she's resting on holy ground. I know it will be hard for your family to say good-bye, but I believe she is already making plans for the reunion you'll have with her in your forever home."
Anderson encourages us to thank God for making a place for us and to ask God to help us to not lose sight of His glory in our daily life, but to always remember what awaits us in heaven.
The story is heartwarming because Anderson's words reassured them and heartbreaking because I remember how I felt when my mother was dying. I did not have the same assurance though it may have seemed that I did because there were no tears...not at first.
From the time I first heard that my mother had cancer, until the time that I received the call that she was admitted to the ICU, and even after that, there were no tears. There was only the desire to fight along side of her. To do anything that she needed. To “be there” for her—whatever that would mean. No tears.
When I
watched her go from a vibrant woman to a silent shell, no tears. When I tried to hug her and she pushed me
away because she could no longer take the feel of things touching her skin, no
tears. I remember a doctor telling me
the technical term for her action, but I swallowed it, like the lump that
formed in my throat and forgave it as my mother had forgiven me so many
times.
When my
father and I had to make the decision to admit her to the hospice room, I
didn’t know what that room entailed, but I knew once my mother entered it, she
would not be coming out. No tears. We all—my father, my Uncle Mike who was my
mother’s brother, and my two older brothers, Lonnie and Todd—gathered in the
small hospice room and tripped over one another, and slept on recliners and
makeshift bed chairs, and sat on window sills and waited.
The dreams
I had while waiting for the inevitable were grotesque and disturbing. One woke me up, and everyone around me as
well, for I jumped out of my recliner and yelled out something. I was so frightened by the dream because in
it my mother’s bed was bouncing off the floor from her uncontrollable
convulsions. She was struggling to
breathe and had one hand up by her neck as if she was choking and the other was
reaching for me. The room was eerily
dark, but I could see that her eyes were wild with terror, and I couldn’t do
anything. I think I must have yelled for
help and that is what woke everyone up.
Through blurry eyes I saw my dad standing in front of me and felt the
light touch of his hand on my shoulder, “It was only a dream.” I explained to him that my dream had been of
my mother. “She was struggling to
breathe. The whole bed was shaking and I
couldn’t help her.” My father repeated,
“It was only a dream.”
He then
explained to me that her passing wouldn’t be like that, that she would simply
and quietly slip away. Reassured by his
comment and lulled by the sound of my mother’s breathing and the small click of
the oxygen machine, I fell back to sleep.
It wasn’t
long before the sound in the room changed.
It was slight, but startling and we all got to our feet. My father moved closer to my mother’s frail
body on the bed. I saw my uncle who had
been on the hard chair next to my mother cover his mouth and heard him breathe
hard and quick through his fingers. My father turned to me, took a few steps in
my direction and said, “She’s gone.”
Tears. It was as if every painful moment came
crashing in on me at once. I couldn’t
breathe, and my father held on to me so I wouldn’t crumple to the floor. My brothers watched us and wiped their
eyes. As I held onto my father, I
realized that my mother was free. She
would no longer have to endure treatments and vomiting and pin pricks and hair
loss and the endless list of demoralizing effects of cancer. It should have been enough for me to realize
that she was free, but it wasn’t. She
was free and I would have to learn to walk in this world without her…but I was
crippled by tears.
I still cry when I think of that day. Even as I type this, tears are streaming down my cheeks.
I'd like to think that she is heaven right now planning our reunion, assuming I myself make it to heaven. And there it is, doubt of my salvation. I wish I wouldn't do that, but I have been made keenly aware through a multitude of church lessons and even casual chats that though no one can snatch me from the hand of God, I can always walk away. The church was quite adept at using fear as a motivator. They would warn that walking away happens subtly (missing a service or a church event, not confessing everything to one's discipler...) We may not even notice that we are doing it. It's not to say that their warnings were completely unwarranted, but the method was a bit misguided. I may have turned my back, but something within me will not let me step away so far as to lose sight of God. I suppose that is the Holy Spirit within me. I know the truth deep within. There is a God and he has prepared a place for me.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Double Blessings
January 15, 2017
Day 15: Double Blessings:
"Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac's prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins." —Genesis 25:21
Today's reading was not particularly deep, but it was heartwarming. Anderson tells the story of the first time he was helping deliver a baby. Unexpectedly the woman was having twins. She didn't know and Anderson did not know. The only reason he suspected something was because when he "pushed down on the mother's abdomen, expecting to feel a postpartum uterus, it felt larger than [he] expected." He grabbed the fetoscope and listened...there was a second heartbeat.
The point of today's lesson is really the blessings of God. In this case, a double blessing. "When we ask God to bless us, sometimes he unexpectedly gives us a double blessing." When I pull my head out and really think about the ways God has blessed me, I can see that I have received many a blessing. I remember asking God to bless my husband and I financially. We were in a rather frightening position. There was a point that I thought we might lose our house. We had a small child and quite a bit of debt. My husband was working three, sometimes four jobs just so we could make ends meet. He was teaching full time, announcing at his high school's football and basketball games, chauffeuring, and delivering pizzas. Levi and I hardly saw him. I was also working as a full time teacher. It was rough. I remember praying for things to change. I didn't want a ton of money or to be filthy rich. I just wanted enough that we didn't have to worry. I wanted to be able to get a haircut when I needed it and not have to wait for weeks to try to fit it into our budget. I wanted to feel secure and be able to help others in need.
During that time of financial struggle, I was also under the stress of other things. My mother was dying of cancer. I was often traveling 4 hours away to help my dad with her care. My husband and I each lost $6,000 when we moved to teaching in a district that was closer to our home. I was working on my Master's degree so I could eventually earn more money teaching. It was a struggle balancing our work, school and travel schedules to take care of our baby, basically taking turns. We were hardly ever together as a family, except to sleep. My church leaders were pressuring me to not miss church services or events and would lobby a barrage of questions at me if I felt I needed to, even when I was helping take care of my mother, attending a class for my degree, or visiting my brothers who I only got to see once a year, if that. My husband was stressed and frustrated by life's circumstances and the undue pressure I was feeling from church friends and leaders. I was tithing beyond my means and was encouraged to keep up my previous weekly pledge and also to give to special missions. I can tell you, my marriage suffered greatly during that time. I was fearful of leaving the church and relieving myself of some of the greater pressures I felt because I honestly believed that I would no longer be a Christian. If I left the International Church of Christ, the ONE TRUE CHURCH, as it was so often repeated, I would be falling away and losing my relationship with God. I suppose in a way the church was right, I did lose my relationship with God, but not because I left the church. It was because I was angry with God for not answering my prayer and saving my mother. It happened slowly and without my even really realizing it. My husband and I tried different churches for awhile, but none were like what I was used to. I didn't feel as if I was really going to church. It wasn't until I was away from my church and its teachings that I began to realize how damaging all of it had been to my vision of God and my perception of my husband. Slowly, Kevin and I mended our relationship and I began to see him as "my friend and partner for life," just as we had said in our vows. I was afraid to get involved with a church because I thought that following God (according to all I had been taught) would emotionally separate me from my husband, and I just couldn't bear the thought of that ever happening again.
It took several years, but God answered my spoken and even my unspoken prayers. He blessed Kevin with an agent who got him a fantastic contract with Random House and he became a New York Time's Best Selling author. We were able to get out of the extreme debt we were in and my wish to not have to worry about money was granted. In that blessing came another. Since we first got married, one of our dreams was to live in Colorado. Today, we live in Colorado. As I have mentioned in a previous post, moving here has been the best decision we could have made for our son. We are in one of the most supportive places in the US for the LGBTQ community. If you have read previous posts you may be wondering why then have I, at times, felt that our financial success is somehow not a blessing from God, but rather a stumbling block? It's a fair question to have. It goes back to my former teaching.
In writing this blog, I am beginning to see where my thinking has been wrong, which is also an answered prayer, a double blessing.
Day 15: Double Blessings:
"Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac's prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins." —Genesis 25:21
Today's reading was not particularly deep, but it was heartwarming. Anderson tells the story of the first time he was helping deliver a baby. Unexpectedly the woman was having twins. She didn't know and Anderson did not know. The only reason he suspected something was because when he "pushed down on the mother's abdomen, expecting to feel a postpartum uterus, it felt larger than [he] expected." He grabbed the fetoscope and listened...there was a second heartbeat.
The point of today's lesson is really the blessings of God. In this case, a double blessing. "When we ask God to bless us, sometimes he unexpectedly gives us a double blessing." When I pull my head out and really think about the ways God has blessed me, I can see that I have received many a blessing. I remember asking God to bless my husband and I financially. We were in a rather frightening position. There was a point that I thought we might lose our house. We had a small child and quite a bit of debt. My husband was working three, sometimes four jobs just so we could make ends meet. He was teaching full time, announcing at his high school's football and basketball games, chauffeuring, and delivering pizzas. Levi and I hardly saw him. I was also working as a full time teacher. It was rough. I remember praying for things to change. I didn't want a ton of money or to be filthy rich. I just wanted enough that we didn't have to worry. I wanted to be able to get a haircut when I needed it and not have to wait for weeks to try to fit it into our budget. I wanted to feel secure and be able to help others in need.
During that time of financial struggle, I was also under the stress of other things. My mother was dying of cancer. I was often traveling 4 hours away to help my dad with her care. My husband and I each lost $6,000 when we moved to teaching in a district that was closer to our home. I was working on my Master's degree so I could eventually earn more money teaching. It was a struggle balancing our work, school and travel schedules to take care of our baby, basically taking turns. We were hardly ever together as a family, except to sleep. My church leaders were pressuring me to not miss church services or events and would lobby a barrage of questions at me if I felt I needed to, even when I was helping take care of my mother, attending a class for my degree, or visiting my brothers who I only got to see once a year, if that. My husband was stressed and frustrated by life's circumstances and the undue pressure I was feeling from church friends and leaders. I was tithing beyond my means and was encouraged to keep up my previous weekly pledge and also to give to special missions. I can tell you, my marriage suffered greatly during that time. I was fearful of leaving the church and relieving myself of some of the greater pressures I felt because I honestly believed that I would no longer be a Christian. If I left the International Church of Christ, the ONE TRUE CHURCH, as it was so often repeated, I would be falling away and losing my relationship with God. I suppose in a way the church was right, I did lose my relationship with God, but not because I left the church. It was because I was angry with God for not answering my prayer and saving my mother. It happened slowly and without my even really realizing it. My husband and I tried different churches for awhile, but none were like what I was used to. I didn't feel as if I was really going to church. It wasn't until I was away from my church and its teachings that I began to realize how damaging all of it had been to my vision of God and my perception of my husband. Slowly, Kevin and I mended our relationship and I began to see him as "my friend and partner for life," just as we had said in our vows. I was afraid to get involved with a church because I thought that following God (according to all I had been taught) would emotionally separate me from my husband, and I just couldn't bear the thought of that ever happening again.
It took several years, but God answered my spoken and even my unspoken prayers. He blessed Kevin with an agent who got him a fantastic contract with Random House and he became a New York Time's Best Selling author. We were able to get out of the extreme debt we were in and my wish to not have to worry about money was granted. In that blessing came another. Since we first got married, one of our dreams was to live in Colorado. Today, we live in Colorado. As I have mentioned in a previous post, moving here has been the best decision we could have made for our son. We are in one of the most supportive places in the US for the LGBTQ community. If you have read previous posts you may be wondering why then have I, at times, felt that our financial success is somehow not a blessing from God, but rather a stumbling block? It's a fair question to have. It goes back to my former teaching.
In writing this blog, I am beginning to see where my thinking has been wrong, which is also an answered prayer, a double blessing.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Courage and Strength
January 14, 2017
Day 14: Strong and Courageous For The Fight:
"Be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord!"—Psalm 31:24
In today's entry, Dr. Anderson shares a story about a young child he had as a patient who sadly had ALL, acute lymphoblastic leukemia. He and the boy's mother prayed that God would grant them courage and strength. They placed all of their hope in God. After a year long battle, the young boy was in remission with an 85% chance of a cure. Anderson encourages us to place our hope in the Lord and ask for strength and courage when we face life's challenges.
As I was reading I was thinking, Yes, that's all fine and good, but sometimes God's answer is not remission. Sometimes it is not a cure. Sometimes... I had to stop myself. It's so easy to doubt and question and to get angry and despair. The more courageous thing to do is trust and believe and not lose hope, even when the answer is not what I thought would be the most favorable. Bottom line, I have to trust. Whatever the answer may be. If I think I can't handle the answer, then I should ask for courage and strength.
Day 14: Strong and Courageous For The Fight:
"Be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord!"—Psalm 31:24
In today's entry, Dr. Anderson shares a story about a young child he had as a patient who sadly had ALL, acute lymphoblastic leukemia. He and the boy's mother prayed that God would grant them courage and strength. They placed all of their hope in God. After a year long battle, the young boy was in remission with an 85% chance of a cure. Anderson encourages us to place our hope in the Lord and ask for strength and courage when we face life's challenges.
As I was reading I was thinking, Yes, that's all fine and good, but sometimes God's answer is not remission. Sometimes it is not a cure. Sometimes... I had to stop myself. It's so easy to doubt and question and to get angry and despair. The more courageous thing to do is trust and believe and not lose hope, even when the answer is not what I thought would be the most favorable. Bottom line, I have to trust. Whatever the answer may be. If I think I can't handle the answer, then I should ask for courage and strength.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Take Every Thought Captive
January 13, 2017
Day 13: Striking A Tumor So It Never Rises Again:
"Hit their enemies where it hurts the most; strike down their foes so they never rise again."
—Deuteronomy 33:11
When I first read through today's lesson, I thought, eh, this doesn't really apply to me, but when I thought about it, it most assuredly does. Dr. Anderson spoke of a man who had been coughing up blood for weeks and when he finally went to get checked, they found that he had a spot on his right lung. Luckily there was "no metastasis," and they were able to use a CyberKnife to remove the spot. "If this had happen before the invention of the CyberKnife, the diagnosis would have been an almost certain death sentence." I may not be a smoker or have a spot on my right lung, but I do have some unhealthy habits. I'd say one of my most unhealthy habits is negative self-talk and negativity in general—not finding the good in situations and being grateful. While typing that I couldn't help but hear voices from my past knowingly laughing at my conclusion because they understood that I had and have more unhealthy habits than that, spiritually unhealthy habits. When I was studying the Bible with the first church I attended in Bakersfield, California, the gals I was studying with asked me what sin I thought would be the hardest to give up. What did I think I would struggle with the most? I remember saying, cussing. Not that I would swear all the time, but it was a great release for me to do so. They giggled, knowing full well that, in actuality, that would probably be the easiest. The toughest sin to combat is really the sin of pride and with that selfishness. As Proverbs 16:18 warns, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Pride can lead us down a very dark path. According to C.S Lewis, Pride is the most deadly sin because it allows us to tolerate and even dismiss the other 6 (lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, envy, sloth). Without pride we would never be so arrogant as to disobey God and commit any of the other sins. Our actions are mostly motivated by pride. If we are not open to correction, pride is at the root. If we get angry and lash out, pride is at the root; we think we have a better way or know more. If we are envious, greedy, gluttonous, slothful, pride is at the root; we think we are more deserving and we become ungrateful. So how does negative self-talk stem back to pride? As Josh Blount author of Speaking Truth To Yourself said, "a me-centered conversation can only go so far before it derails into pride or despair." God calls us to "take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). We should focus on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent and praisworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:8). When I am steeped in negative self-talk, I am obviously not following these scriptures. As a man thinks, so he is. We become what we think, so the negative self-talk is not in keeping with God's precepts, nor is it pleasing or helpful to anyone. There is nothing excellent or praisworthy in my negative self-talk or in my negativity in general. It is not to say that I should not examine myself and question my behavior, but I shouldn't dwell on my mistakes and beat myself up with statements that are not true. Instead, I should do as the scripture says—take every thought captive.
It's one thing to say that, but how does one really do it. Below is a link to 6 Ways that I can take my thoughts captive. It's helpful to have a guide, right? 😃
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/prayers/take-your-thoughts-captive-509888.html
Day 13: Striking A Tumor So It Never Rises Again:
"Hit their enemies where it hurts the most; strike down their foes so they never rise again."
—Deuteronomy 33:11
When I first read through today's lesson, I thought, eh, this doesn't really apply to me, but when I thought about it, it most assuredly does. Dr. Anderson spoke of a man who had been coughing up blood for weeks and when he finally went to get checked, they found that he had a spot on his right lung. Luckily there was "no metastasis," and they were able to use a CyberKnife to remove the spot. "If this had happen before the invention of the CyberKnife, the diagnosis would have been an almost certain death sentence." I may not be a smoker or have a spot on my right lung, but I do have some unhealthy habits. I'd say one of my most unhealthy habits is negative self-talk and negativity in general—not finding the good in situations and being grateful. While typing that I couldn't help but hear voices from my past knowingly laughing at my conclusion because they understood that I had and have more unhealthy habits than that, spiritually unhealthy habits. When I was studying the Bible with the first church I attended in Bakersfield, California, the gals I was studying with asked me what sin I thought would be the hardest to give up. What did I think I would struggle with the most? I remember saying, cussing. Not that I would swear all the time, but it was a great release for me to do so. They giggled, knowing full well that, in actuality, that would probably be the easiest. The toughest sin to combat is really the sin of pride and with that selfishness. As Proverbs 16:18 warns, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Pride can lead us down a very dark path. According to C.S Lewis, Pride is the most deadly sin because it allows us to tolerate and even dismiss the other 6 (lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, envy, sloth). Without pride we would never be so arrogant as to disobey God and commit any of the other sins. Our actions are mostly motivated by pride. If we are not open to correction, pride is at the root. If we get angry and lash out, pride is at the root; we think we have a better way or know more. If we are envious, greedy, gluttonous, slothful, pride is at the root; we think we are more deserving and we become ungrateful. So how does negative self-talk stem back to pride? As Josh Blount author of Speaking Truth To Yourself said, "a me-centered conversation can only go so far before it derails into pride or despair." God calls us to "take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). We should focus on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent and praisworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:8). When I am steeped in negative self-talk, I am obviously not following these scriptures. As a man thinks, so he is. We become what we think, so the negative self-talk is not in keeping with God's precepts, nor is it pleasing or helpful to anyone. There is nothing excellent or praisworthy in my negative self-talk or in my negativity in general. It is not to say that I should not examine myself and question my behavior, but I shouldn't dwell on my mistakes and beat myself up with statements that are not true. Instead, I should do as the scripture says—take every thought captive.
It's one thing to say that, but how does one really do it. Below is a link to 6 Ways that I can take my thoughts captive. It's helpful to have a guide, right? 😃
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/prayers/take-your-thoughts-captive-509888.html
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Everything
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| https://youtu.be/uFRYdGihOl4 |
What prompted me to write about this video is a letter I found that I written long ago. In the letter I talk about this video and how I felt like the girl in it. To watch the video, click on the link in the photo's caption.
Be Still and Know...
January 12, 2017
Day 12: Set Aside Your Answers to Hear His:
"Harden the hearts of these people. Plug their ears and shut their eyes. That way, they will not see with their eyes, nor hear with their ears, nor understand with their hearts and turn to me for healing." —Isaiah 6:10
I like the title of today's reading, but the scripture set me back a little bit, though I have read it before. I might not like the idea, but I understand the sentiment all the same. When we think we have it all together and believe we know the way things should go and what is best for us, it would be better for us to not know so that we have to rely on God and His wisdom. (As you can see I am having trouble using the pronouns She/Her—I think I will just stick to the male pronouns. God is male in my mind and I suppose there is no use in fighting that). Anyway, the scripture makes sense because people tend to turn to God when there is nowhere else to turn, and in the end it would be what is best for us, so why fight it? So God should harden, plug, shut, take away understanding—just get on with it. We will end up at his feet as some point either way. Why wait? It makes me think of the scriptures that warn us to not lean on our own understanding because "There is a way that appears right [to a man], but in the end leads to death" (Proverbs 16:25) and "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel" (Proverbs 12:15).
The story that Dr. Anderson shared in today's reading was about a man who came to him believing he had a rare form of cancer. He had read an article on the internet that gave a list of symptoms that he was personally experiencing. Dr. Anderson was able to quickly rule out cancer. The man was actually suffering from irritable bowel syndrome and all of his worrying was making it worse. He used this story to remind us that "coming up with our own answers to physical or spiritual problems can often make us anxious." He encourages us to rely on God and as support uses my favorite scripture: "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). He suggests that "when we go to God with our list of answers, telling him what we think is wrong, we miss an opportunity to hear his wise diagnosis." We should go to God prepared to listen. The reason I am so fond of Psalm 46:10 is that it really is the answer to all worries. He is God! What can man do to us? What good does it do for us to worry? God has everything under control and according to Jeremiah 29:11 he has our best interest in mind. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." If I could only grasp those ideas and hold them fast in the deepest part of my being without doubt or fear. How liberating that would be! I could escape the anxiety of every kind of worry or concern that passes through my mind and those that plague my heart. Fears even about God himself and his plans for me, his plans for my family and his plans for my country. I just need to simply "Be still, and know..."
Day 12: Set Aside Your Answers to Hear His:
"Harden the hearts of these people. Plug their ears and shut their eyes. That way, they will not see with their eyes, nor hear with their ears, nor understand with their hearts and turn to me for healing." —Isaiah 6:10
I like the title of today's reading, but the scripture set me back a little bit, though I have read it before. I might not like the idea, but I understand the sentiment all the same. When we think we have it all together and believe we know the way things should go and what is best for us, it would be better for us to not know so that we have to rely on God and His wisdom. (As you can see I am having trouble using the pronouns She/Her—I think I will just stick to the male pronouns. God is male in my mind and I suppose there is no use in fighting that). Anyway, the scripture makes sense because people tend to turn to God when there is nowhere else to turn, and in the end it would be what is best for us, so why fight it? So God should harden, plug, shut, take away understanding—just get on with it. We will end up at his feet as some point either way. Why wait? It makes me think of the scriptures that warn us to not lean on our own understanding because "There is a way that appears right [to a man], but in the end leads to death" (Proverbs 16:25) and "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel" (Proverbs 12:15).
The story that Dr. Anderson shared in today's reading was about a man who came to him believing he had a rare form of cancer. He had read an article on the internet that gave a list of symptoms that he was personally experiencing. Dr. Anderson was able to quickly rule out cancer. The man was actually suffering from irritable bowel syndrome and all of his worrying was making it worse. He used this story to remind us that "coming up with our own answers to physical or spiritual problems can often make us anxious." He encourages us to rely on God and as support uses my favorite scripture: "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). He suggests that "when we go to God with our list of answers, telling him what we think is wrong, we miss an opportunity to hear his wise diagnosis." We should go to God prepared to listen. The reason I am so fond of Psalm 46:10 is that it really is the answer to all worries. He is God! What can man do to us? What good does it do for us to worry? God has everything under control and according to Jeremiah 29:11 he has our best interest in mind. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." If I could only grasp those ideas and hold them fast in the deepest part of my being without doubt or fear. How liberating that would be! I could escape the anxiety of every kind of worry or concern that passes through my mind and those that plague my heart. Fears even about God himself and his plans for me, his plans for my family and his plans for my country. I just need to simply "Be still, and know..."
 |
| I have this sign hanging in my laundry room, which I am in every day because it is also the area where we take care of our kitties' needs: food, beds, litter box. I put it there to remind myself of God's presence and power. Perhaps I need to put similar signs in multiple places around my house. Maybe then it would begin to really sink in. 😃 I can hope, right? |
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
God's Perfect Timing
January 11, 2017
Day 11: Experiencing Heaven on Earth:
"Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth." —Colossians 3:1-2
My first thought as I read the title was, I'd like to experience Heaven on Earth and after reading the scripture I thought, easier said than done. When I was younger, it was easier I think. Anderson talks about a dream he had of heaven. "In that dream, I experienced the sights, sounds, and smells of heaven." He encourages us to look for signs of heaven here on earth. His personal examples are all from nature and his surroundings, "a tantalizing aroma, a majestic butterfly." I can relate to him seeing heaven in nature. I have always felt closer to heaven in the woods than in any other place.
I can also relate to his dream of heaven. I had a similar experience when I was a kid. I was completely overwhelmed by life and could take no more. I don't even remember what was going on in my life at the time, but I remember the feeling of I just can't take anymore. I came home from school and dropped to my knees at the foot of my bed, letting my backpack fall to the floor. I laid my torso down on the bed and I had what I can only describe as an out of body experience. I could see myself as if I was above and behind myself looking down on the bed. I felt weightless as if someone had picked me up. A great warmth came over my whole body as I was lifted and held close to an intense bright light. It was God. I knew deep within me that He was holding me like one holds a baby, close to His heart. He held me for a long time and then gently placed me down on what seemed to be marble steps. He told me, "You must go back now." I remember walking down a few steps away from the light and then I was in my body again. I awoke completely refreshed and renewed. Reliving this moment makes me teary eyed. I wish I could experience something like that again. It is events like this and others that I have had in my life that lead me to believe without a doubt that there is a God, a being greater than us, a creator. I must remind myself of experiences like this when I begin to feel that God is angry, vengeful, demanding, unloving and indifferent. He loves us and knows just what we can handle and just what we need and when we need it.
I can see evidences of His perfect timing in my life when I really stop and think about it. We used to live in Arizona, a rather conservative state and in a very conservative community. Just before we moved, my son, Levi, formerly my daughter Maddie, was struggling with his gender and sexuality. He thought he was gay and then after we moved to Colorado, he was experiencing intense gender dysphoria and felt that he must be gender fluid. Then he came to realize that he was actually transgender and needed to become the boy that he has really been all along. Had we stayed in Arizona, I believe we may have lost our child due to the pressures he would have experienced at school and within the community in which we lived. He also may not have been able to move as quickly through the process of getting on testosterone as he has been able to here in Colorado. We live in one of the most liberal and open-minded areas of the state. I believe that God placed us here knowing just what we would need to help our child and what I would need in order to turn back to Him. There is more to the story of our move and the way God has worked everything out in our favor, but it suffices to say, God's timing is perfect.
Day 11: Experiencing Heaven on Earth:
"Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth." —Colossians 3:1-2
My first thought as I read the title was, I'd like to experience Heaven on Earth and after reading the scripture I thought, easier said than done. When I was younger, it was easier I think. Anderson talks about a dream he had of heaven. "In that dream, I experienced the sights, sounds, and smells of heaven." He encourages us to look for signs of heaven here on earth. His personal examples are all from nature and his surroundings, "a tantalizing aroma, a majestic butterfly." I can relate to him seeing heaven in nature. I have always felt closer to heaven in the woods than in any other place.
I can also relate to his dream of heaven. I had a similar experience when I was a kid. I was completely overwhelmed by life and could take no more. I don't even remember what was going on in my life at the time, but I remember the feeling of I just can't take anymore. I came home from school and dropped to my knees at the foot of my bed, letting my backpack fall to the floor. I laid my torso down on the bed and I had what I can only describe as an out of body experience. I could see myself as if I was above and behind myself looking down on the bed. I felt weightless as if someone had picked me up. A great warmth came over my whole body as I was lifted and held close to an intense bright light. It was God. I knew deep within me that He was holding me like one holds a baby, close to His heart. He held me for a long time and then gently placed me down on what seemed to be marble steps. He told me, "You must go back now." I remember walking down a few steps away from the light and then I was in my body again. I awoke completely refreshed and renewed. Reliving this moment makes me teary eyed. I wish I could experience something like that again. It is events like this and others that I have had in my life that lead me to believe without a doubt that there is a God, a being greater than us, a creator. I must remind myself of experiences like this when I begin to feel that God is angry, vengeful, demanding, unloving and indifferent. He loves us and knows just what we can handle and just what we need and when we need it.
I can see evidences of His perfect timing in my life when I really stop and think about it. We used to live in Arizona, a rather conservative state and in a very conservative community. Just before we moved, my son, Levi, formerly my daughter Maddie, was struggling with his gender and sexuality. He thought he was gay and then after we moved to Colorado, he was experiencing intense gender dysphoria and felt that he must be gender fluid. Then he came to realize that he was actually transgender and needed to become the boy that he has really been all along. Had we stayed in Arizona, I believe we may have lost our child due to the pressures he would have experienced at school and within the community in which we lived. He also may not have been able to move as quickly through the process of getting on testosterone as he has been able to here in Colorado. We live in one of the most liberal and open-minded areas of the state. I believe that God placed us here knowing just what we would need to help our child and what I would need in order to turn back to Him. There is more to the story of our move and the way God has worked everything out in our favor, but it suffices to say, God's timing is perfect.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Like A Child
January 10, 2017
Day 10: Two Miracles in One:
"Jesus led him away from the crowd so they could be alone. He put his fingers into the man's ears. Then, spitting on his own fingers, he touched the man's tongue."—Mark 7:33
Today's focus is on the power of Jesus not only over our disabilities but also over time. He healed the deaf man and gave him the ability to speak plainly instantly. The man didn't have to learn how to talk, he just did it. Anderson's point is that Jesus "has the power to heal [us] immediately, if he so chooses." We must "trust his wisdom and timing."
I have always loved the stories of Jesus' miraculous healing of people, but here again something digs at me. The part of "if he so chooses." I realize that of course it is if he so chooses, but it brings me back to that feeling of God will do what He will do, when He wants to do it, so what difference does our hoping, wishing, praying make?
Since I can remember, I have held Jesus in the highest regard, as if he is like a big brother protecting me from harm and the harsh discipline of God. Even though I know we are to view the Trinity as one entity, I still separate them in my mind and heart. Jesus is the one who intercedes on our behalf. He is the one who will speak for us when we stand before God to receive His judgement. It truly is a dark image for me, but Jesus... he is the light that will protect us from God's wrath. I also link Jesus and the Holy Spirit more closely than I do Jesus and God. They seem to work together as protectors. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us as well, especially when we do not have the words to pray. "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans" (Romans 8:26). It's difficult for me to get past God as a disciplinarian. What's sad about that is...well, everything. I have had some amazing experiences with God, especially when I was younger. Why is it that now I see him in such a dark light? Perhaps this is why we must come to him as little children. "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3). Children, generally, are obedient, innocent, pure in spirit, loving to others who are different from them, accepting, moldable, willing to try. They are not jaded by life and they are curious, enthusiastic, and persistent. Children who want something don't give up easily. They keep asking. Prayer is our way of asking God for what we want and what we believe we need. Just as a parent's answer may be yes or it may be no, the same is true of God. I must be like a child and keep asking and believing.
Day 10: Two Miracles in One:
"Jesus led him away from the crowd so they could be alone. He put his fingers into the man's ears. Then, spitting on his own fingers, he touched the man's tongue."—Mark 7:33
Today's focus is on the power of Jesus not only over our disabilities but also over time. He healed the deaf man and gave him the ability to speak plainly instantly. The man didn't have to learn how to talk, he just did it. Anderson's point is that Jesus "has the power to heal [us] immediately, if he so chooses." We must "trust his wisdom and timing."
I have always loved the stories of Jesus' miraculous healing of people, but here again something digs at me. The part of "if he so chooses." I realize that of course it is if he so chooses, but it brings me back to that feeling of God will do what He will do, when He wants to do it, so what difference does our hoping, wishing, praying make?
Since I can remember, I have held Jesus in the highest regard, as if he is like a big brother protecting me from harm and the harsh discipline of God. Even though I know we are to view the Trinity as one entity, I still separate them in my mind and heart. Jesus is the one who intercedes on our behalf. He is the one who will speak for us when we stand before God to receive His judgement. It truly is a dark image for me, but Jesus... he is the light that will protect us from God's wrath. I also link Jesus and the Holy Spirit more closely than I do Jesus and God. They seem to work together as protectors. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us as well, especially when we do not have the words to pray. "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans" (Romans 8:26). It's difficult for me to get past God as a disciplinarian. What's sad about that is...well, everything. I have had some amazing experiences with God, especially when I was younger. Why is it that now I see him in such a dark light? Perhaps this is why we must come to him as little children. "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3). Children, generally, are obedient, innocent, pure in spirit, loving to others who are different from them, accepting, moldable, willing to try. They are not jaded by life and they are curious, enthusiastic, and persistent. Children who want something don't give up easily. They keep asking. Prayer is our way of asking God for what we want and what we believe we need. Just as a parent's answer may be yes or it may be no, the same is true of God. I must be like a child and keep asking and believing.
Monday, January 9, 2017
No Commandment Greater
January 9, 2017
Day 9: Baby Blue Miracle:
"I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!" —Psalm 116-1-2
Today's story was about a baby that Dr. Anderson had saved, only through the grace of God. He personally didn't know what to do to help the child who had choked and stopped breathing. He couldn't see or feel anything in the child's throat, even with a laryngoscope. The only thing he could do was pray. "God, please help me save this baby." Instantly he felt "God's presence, and it gave [him] confidence beyond [his] training." He asked the nurse to prepare a tracheotomy tray, but then sensed God saying, "You won't need it." When he looked back into the baby's throat, he saw something bobbing back and forth. The laryngoscope had dislodged a small piece of plastic with a notch in it—a clip used to tie a bread bag. He reached in and grabbed it out and the baby let out a quick breath and started crying. He realized afterward how little control he really had over the fate of the child. "But God did." God's hand guided him throughout the entire event.
Anderson ends with the prescription: "Pray for a miracle today, and give credit to God, the miracle maker," and the prayer: "God, give me ears to hear your voice today. Speak your instruction to me as I make decisions and interact with others. Thank you for guiding me every step of the way."
If I am going to be honest (and I am), as I read the prescription I thought, I don't need a miracle. I just want to feel God's presence. I also didn't really want to pray to hear God's voice or instruction. I just want to feel His love. I do feel thankful for guidance, but I don't want to feel pushed to act in a particular way. I want to be genuine and sincere, not guilted into anything. Guilt is a strong motivator for me, but I do not believe it is a healthy motivator. It leads to resentment. I did many things when I was involved in the church because I knew I would feel guilty if I didn't; not because it was the right thing to do, or because it was genuinely what I desired to do. I felt that if I did not act on what I believed God or the Holy Spirit was leading me to do, then the Holy Spirit would leave me and I would be lost. There are scriptures that warn against quenching or grieving the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 4:30 and 1 Thessalonians 5:19). It was something that I feared I might do, even accidentally. I often acted out of fear and to simply avoid guilt; there was no joy in that, except for the relief that I would not have to feel guilt or shame. What I really want to have as my motivation is love and gratefulness. So if I am to pray for anything today, it is that I will love God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind. And that I will love my neighbors as myself" (Luke 10:27). As Jesus has said, "there is no commandment greater than these" (Mark 12:28-31).
Day 9: Baby Blue Miracle:
"I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!" —Psalm 116-1-2
Today's story was about a baby that Dr. Anderson had saved, only through the grace of God. He personally didn't know what to do to help the child who had choked and stopped breathing. He couldn't see or feel anything in the child's throat, even with a laryngoscope. The only thing he could do was pray. "God, please help me save this baby." Instantly he felt "God's presence, and it gave [him] confidence beyond [his] training." He asked the nurse to prepare a tracheotomy tray, but then sensed God saying, "You won't need it." When he looked back into the baby's throat, he saw something bobbing back and forth. The laryngoscope had dislodged a small piece of plastic with a notch in it—a clip used to tie a bread bag. He reached in and grabbed it out and the baby let out a quick breath and started crying. He realized afterward how little control he really had over the fate of the child. "But God did." God's hand guided him throughout the entire event.
Anderson ends with the prescription: "Pray for a miracle today, and give credit to God, the miracle maker," and the prayer: "God, give me ears to hear your voice today. Speak your instruction to me as I make decisions and interact with others. Thank you for guiding me every step of the way."
If I am going to be honest (and I am), as I read the prescription I thought, I don't need a miracle. I just want to feel God's presence. I also didn't really want to pray to hear God's voice or instruction. I just want to feel His love. I do feel thankful for guidance, but I don't want to feel pushed to act in a particular way. I want to be genuine and sincere, not guilted into anything. Guilt is a strong motivator for me, but I do not believe it is a healthy motivator. It leads to resentment. I did many things when I was involved in the church because I knew I would feel guilty if I didn't; not because it was the right thing to do, or because it was genuinely what I desired to do. I felt that if I did not act on what I believed God or the Holy Spirit was leading me to do, then the Holy Spirit would leave me and I would be lost. There are scriptures that warn against quenching or grieving the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 4:30 and 1 Thessalonians 5:19). It was something that I feared I might do, even accidentally. I often acted out of fear and to simply avoid guilt; there was no joy in that, except for the relief that I would not have to feel guilt or shame. What I really want to have as my motivation is love and gratefulness. So if I am to pray for anything today, it is that I will love God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind. And that I will love my neighbors as myself" (Luke 10:27). As Jesus has said, "there is no commandment greater than these" (Mark 12:28-31).
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Power of Tears
January 8, 2017
Day 8: Healing Power of Tears:
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all of my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." —Psalm 56:8
When I was reading the above I thought God must have an incredibly large bottle to hold all of my tears, never mind the tears of everyone else as well. I cry quite a bit, as I suspect many women do. Tears are therapeutic for sure. I always feel better after I cry. The feeling doesn't always last for long and I cry again, but still, the release is helpful. The focus of Anderson's entry today is on the power of tears to "reset our emotional center toward all that is good and godly." I know, for myself, that after I have had a good cry, I tend to see things more clearly and with a better attitude. I feel like, Okay, I can handle this. Thank you God, for the healing power of tears.
Day 8: Healing Power of Tears:
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all of my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." —Psalm 56:8
Saturday, January 7, 2017
For The Good Of Those Who Love
January 7, 2017
Day 7: My Secret:
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
—Philippians 4:6-7.
In today's entry Dr. Anderson tells the story of how he met his wife and how this scripture and all of Philippians changed him from an atheist to a believer. He was helping his wife (friend at the time) memorize all of Philippians and through that experience God spoke to him and changed his heart. I have heard many stories of people coming to know Christ through similar means. It's always heartwarming, but also challenging. As I read the prayer for the day I couldn't help but feel fear underneath my desire to believe that God is loving. The prayer: "Help me to keep your Word hidden in my heart, Lord. May I store up your commands, draw from your well of knowledge, sing your praises, remember Jesus' parables to help through every season. Thank you for allowing me to know you better through the Bible." The Word is the Bible, at least that is what I have been taught, but I guess it could also be Jesus/God/God's essence. If the Word is the Bible, then ALL of the Bible must be hidden in my heart and treasured. Here is where my distrust begins. When I was deeply entrenched in the church and called to live a godly life, I believed all that I was doing (following the teachings of the church/Bible) was right and good, but I pushed people away. Is that going to happen again? Will the scriptures lead to me convictions that cause me to act like many supposedly loving Christians who treat others in such a contradictory manner to Jesus' command to love one another? Something else that I have struggled with is that there is so much in the Bible that speaks of God's anger, his jealousy, and at times his manipulation and testing of hearts. One incident in particular nags at my mind and heart. The Bible says that HE hardened the heart of Pharaoh forcing him to keep Moses from leading his people out of Egypt. What choice did Pharaoh have in that? Wondering about this, I just looked up something that suggests that God passively hardened Pharaoh's heart simply by working in favor of the Israelites. It was the circumstances that God allowed to have happen that hardened Pharaoh, not God directly. That may be true, but the Bible presents it as a direct act. Also his testing of Job, specifically, but there are many others too. Plus His destruction of people. I have such conflicting feeling about these things because I don't like the idea of a loving God toying with people. But there is another way to look at all of this. It is not so much that He is toying with us. He or She is using life circumstances to perfect us, to prove to ourselves that we are faithful and true. He or She already knows if we are, but we do not know it ourselves unless we are tested. It's like working out and strengthening my body. If I never test myself, how will I really know what I can accomplish. If I never push myself beyond what I think I am capable of, how will I ever know my true strength. It comes down to believing without a doubt that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him/Her. (Romans 8:28). I must not fear.
Day 7: My Secret:
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
—Philippians 4:6-7.
In today's entry Dr. Anderson tells the story of how he met his wife and how this scripture and all of Philippians changed him from an atheist to a believer. He was helping his wife (friend at the time) memorize all of Philippians and through that experience God spoke to him and changed his heart. I have heard many stories of people coming to know Christ through similar means. It's always heartwarming, but also challenging. As I read the prayer for the day I couldn't help but feel fear underneath my desire to believe that God is loving. The prayer: "Help me to keep your Word hidden in my heart, Lord. May I store up your commands, draw from your well of knowledge, sing your praises, remember Jesus' parables to help through every season. Thank you for allowing me to know you better through the Bible." The Word is the Bible, at least that is what I have been taught, but I guess it could also be Jesus/God/God's essence. If the Word is the Bible, then ALL of the Bible must be hidden in my heart and treasured. Here is where my distrust begins. When I was deeply entrenched in the church and called to live a godly life, I believed all that I was doing (following the teachings of the church/Bible) was right and good, but I pushed people away. Is that going to happen again? Will the scriptures lead to me convictions that cause me to act like many supposedly loving Christians who treat others in such a contradictory manner to Jesus' command to love one another? Something else that I have struggled with is that there is so much in the Bible that speaks of God's anger, his jealousy, and at times his manipulation and testing of hearts. One incident in particular nags at my mind and heart. The Bible says that HE hardened the heart of Pharaoh forcing him to keep Moses from leading his people out of Egypt. What choice did Pharaoh have in that? Wondering about this, I just looked up something that suggests that God passively hardened Pharaoh's heart simply by working in favor of the Israelites. It was the circumstances that God allowed to have happen that hardened Pharaoh, not God directly. That may be true, but the Bible presents it as a direct act. Also his testing of Job, specifically, but there are many others too. Plus His destruction of people. I have such conflicting feeling about these things because I don't like the idea of a loving God toying with people. But there is another way to look at all of this. It is not so much that He is toying with us. He or She is using life circumstances to perfect us, to prove to ourselves that we are faithful and true. He or She already knows if we are, but we do not know it ourselves unless we are tested. It's like working out and strengthening my body. If I never test myself, how will I really know what I can accomplish. If I never push myself beyond what I think I am capable of, how will I ever know my true strength. It comes down to believing without a doubt that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him/Her. (Romans 8:28). I must not fear.
I Will Take God's Hand
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| The above picture is a "homework" assignment that Reverend Joanne Buchanan-Brown gave us in the Sunday service I attended at the United Church of Christ on January 1st. The picture is to stand as a reminder of my focus for the year. |
Friday, January 6, 2017
Unlocking the Door
January 6, 2017
Day 3 of Book of Healing: Turning Back to See Who Is There
"Oh Lord, you alone are my hope. I've trusted you, O Lord, from childhood. Yes, you have been with me from birth; from my mother's womb you have cared for me. No wonder I am always praising you!" —Psalm 71:5-6
When I first read that scripture I thought that I wish that I was always praising God, but the truth of the matter is that I am not. More often than not, I am doubting His/Her love and in the same breath and thought, I know that He/She is my hope. My only hope really.
At the end of each entry Dr. Anderson, the author, offers a prescription (RX) for healing and a prayer. It is these two sections that touched me more deeply than the scripture. The RX said "If you are running from God," (which clearly I have been) "stop and turn back. He has always cared for you—and always will." The prayer was "Father I confess I turn my back on you all too often, doubting your goodness in my life. Thank you for always chasing after me and welcoming me with open arms." Reading each brought me to tears because I was reminded of what God can do if you are willing to let Him/Her in. You just need to open the door.
Upon typing that, I know it to be true, but I feel as if I am just cracking the door. I'm not ready to swing the door wide, but at least I'm not just looking through the peephole. I have unlocked the door and opened it a little...
Day 4: Hidden Devils
"Jesus went around doing good and healing all who where oppressed by the devil, for God was with him." —Acts 10:38
In this entry Dr. Anderson tells the story of a man who believed he was possessed by the devil. Upon examination and a variety of tests, the doctors, Dr. Anderson, the author of the book, being one of them, determined that the man suffered from a pituitary tumor, which explained the "unusual size of [the patient's] face, feet, and hands." They began treatment and the man's "schizophrenia" symptoms improved. "God had removed 'the devil' that had tormented this man for so many years." By putting quotes around "the devil" I felt at first that Dr. Anderson was being a bit dismissive, as if he didn't believe that the devil is real and is able to possess people. More likely his choice reflects his belief that the tumor was the devil's mechanism, but that God works through medicine as well as through spiritual means to heal us. We should not simply rely on prayer in such situations.
Day 5: God Wants You To Blossom
"The Lord said to me, "Look Jeremiah! What do you see? And I replied, "I see a branch from an almond tree." And the Lord said, "That's right, and it means that I am watching, and I will certainly carry out all my plans." —Jeremiah 1: 11-12
In day 5's entry Anderson explains the significance of the almond tree as a symbol of God's vigilance and faithfulness. When we wonder if God is looking out for us or if he even cares about what happens in our lives, we should look to the almond tree as a reminder that God wants us to "blossom under his care. You are not alone in the battle. God wants you to enjoy the world he has created, and he wants you to hope for even better things to come—in the next world, our forever home."
When I first read this entry I was encouraged, but I also felt a twinge over the "battle" image. "We are not alone in the battle." I thought, why does everything have to be a battle? Life is a battle, we must fight, we must be victorious... Ugh! Everything comes back to that. When you think about it, it's true. There is no growth without conflict. No growth without pain of one kind or another. So suck it up, push through, realize your potential, strive for your best, give it all you've got. There is something grand and glorious about prevailing. There is no doubt about that.
Day 6: Modern Miracles
"Now put your hand back into your cloak," the Lord said, So Moses put his hand back in, and when he took it out again, it was as healthy as the rest of his body." —Exodus 4:7
In Day 6, Anderson tells the story of a young woman who was experiencing anaphylactic shock from shellfish. He attests to the fact that they may have used modern medicine to treat her, but it was "God who saved Allison's life." If she had reached the emergency room just five minutes later than what she had, she would have been in "full cardiac arrest." Again Anderson aims to prove that God works both spiritually (guiding the situation so that she would arrive at the hospital just in time) and through modern medicine. He urges us to not "overlook or dismiss everyday miracles just because they don't happen the same way they did in the Bible." I especially like the prayer he included.
"Lord, your power is beyond my imagination. Help me to recognize your hand at work throughout my day. I praise you for how intimately you know my needs." I used to be more attuned to God's hand in my life. I want to see his hand moving again. I believe I am currently seeing him work or I would not be writing this blog. I would not be unlocking the door I have held shut for so long.
Day 3 of Book of Healing: Turning Back to See Who Is There
"Oh Lord, you alone are my hope. I've trusted you, O Lord, from childhood. Yes, you have been with me from birth; from my mother's womb you have cared for me. No wonder I am always praising you!" —Psalm 71:5-6
When I first read that scripture I thought that I wish that I was always praising God, but the truth of the matter is that I am not. More often than not, I am doubting His/Her love and in the same breath and thought, I know that He/She is my hope. My only hope really.
At the end of each entry Dr. Anderson, the author, offers a prescription (RX) for healing and a prayer. It is these two sections that touched me more deeply than the scripture. The RX said "If you are running from God," (which clearly I have been) "stop and turn back. He has always cared for you—and always will." The prayer was "Father I confess I turn my back on you all too often, doubting your goodness in my life. Thank you for always chasing after me and welcoming me with open arms." Reading each brought me to tears because I was reminded of what God can do if you are willing to let Him/Her in. You just need to open the door.
Upon typing that, I know it to be true, but I feel as if I am just cracking the door. I'm not ready to swing the door wide, but at least I'm not just looking through the peephole. I have unlocked the door and opened it a little...
Day 4: Hidden Devils
"Jesus went around doing good and healing all who where oppressed by the devil, for God was with him." —Acts 10:38
In this entry Dr. Anderson tells the story of a man who believed he was possessed by the devil. Upon examination and a variety of tests, the doctors, Dr. Anderson, the author of the book, being one of them, determined that the man suffered from a pituitary tumor, which explained the "unusual size of [the patient's] face, feet, and hands." They began treatment and the man's "schizophrenia" symptoms improved. "God had removed 'the devil' that had tormented this man for so many years." By putting quotes around "the devil" I felt at first that Dr. Anderson was being a bit dismissive, as if he didn't believe that the devil is real and is able to possess people. More likely his choice reflects his belief that the tumor was the devil's mechanism, but that God works through medicine as well as through spiritual means to heal us. We should not simply rely on prayer in such situations.
Day 5: God Wants You To Blossom
"The Lord said to me, "Look Jeremiah! What do you see? And I replied, "I see a branch from an almond tree." And the Lord said, "That's right, and it means that I am watching, and I will certainly carry out all my plans." —Jeremiah 1: 11-12
In day 5's entry Anderson explains the significance of the almond tree as a symbol of God's vigilance and faithfulness. When we wonder if God is looking out for us or if he even cares about what happens in our lives, we should look to the almond tree as a reminder that God wants us to "blossom under his care. You are not alone in the battle. God wants you to enjoy the world he has created, and he wants you to hope for even better things to come—in the next world, our forever home."
When I first read this entry I was encouraged, but I also felt a twinge over the "battle" image. "We are not alone in the battle." I thought, why does everything have to be a battle? Life is a battle, we must fight, we must be victorious... Ugh! Everything comes back to that. When you think about it, it's true. There is no growth without conflict. No growth without pain of one kind or another. So suck it up, push through, realize your potential, strive for your best, give it all you've got. There is something grand and glorious about prevailing. There is no doubt about that.
Day 6: Modern Miracles
"Now put your hand back into your cloak," the Lord said, So Moses put his hand back in, and when he took it out again, it was as healthy as the rest of his body." —Exodus 4:7
In Day 6, Anderson tells the story of a young woman who was experiencing anaphylactic shock from shellfish. He attests to the fact that they may have used modern medicine to treat her, but it was "God who saved Allison's life." If she had reached the emergency room just five minutes later than what she had, she would have been in "full cardiac arrest." Again Anderson aims to prove that God works both spiritually (guiding the situation so that she would arrive at the hospital just in time) and through modern medicine. He urges us to not "overlook or dismiss everyday miracles just because they don't happen the same way they did in the Bible." I especially like the prayer he included.
"Lord, your power is beyond my imagination. Help me to recognize your hand at work throughout my day. I praise you for how intimately you know my needs." I used to be more attuned to God's hand in my life. I want to see his hand moving again. I believe I am currently seeing him work or I would not be writing this blog. I would not be unlocking the door I have held shut for so long.
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