The Need For Balance

March 9, 2017

Day 68: Still Ticking:
"Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything."
—Proverbs 13:3

Anderson's story today is about a 104 year old man named Gene. He had been in a nursing home since he was 94. When asked what his secret to living a long life was, Gene replied that he didn't really know, "I guess the good Lord wanted me to live this long. I'm ready anytime he calls me home." Anderson describes Gene as a quiet, gentle man, one who followed the above scripture and kept his tongue under control throughout his life. Through the story of Gene, Anderson encourages us to "speak carefully" because "what [we] say matters."

Even before I began to read the Bible, the importance of watching what I say was drilled into me by my mother. I suspect, like most children, I heard "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" quite a few times. That was a fairly common phrase in my household, just as common as "stop crying before I give you something to cry about." I hated the latter, but the first I took to heart.

Most of the time I am very careful about what I say, especially when I am angry or emotionally hurt. I generally don't say anything at all when I am angry with someone I love. While driving? Well, sharing emotion regarding another driver's choices is not a problem, but if my husband or my child upsets me, I generally think long and hard before I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind. Moments like yelling "I hate you!" out of my bedroom window at my step dad because he sent me to my room for being insensitive taught me to consider my words more carefully and to not let my emotions get the best of me. I still feel bad that I did that.  He was gracious and forgiving; he knew I didn't mean it.

Although I think it is important to hold your tongue and weigh your words, it is also important to respectfully express your feelings and not allow them to fester and embitter you. About a year after Kevin and I were married, I began attending the Bakersfield sector of the International Church of Christ. Through the lessons I was hearing I somehow got the idea that it was disrespectful to be angry with my husband or to express that anger. So instead of letting him know when I was dissatisfied, displeased or didn't agree with him, I would keep it to myself, or I would wait so long to confront him that he would have forgotten to what it was I was referring. Neither was helpful in bringing us closer together. I thought I was being a respectful, dutiful wife. In my mind I was putting him and his wishes and needs before my own. Though I didn't realize it at the time, by not sharing my feelings with my husband I was building a wall between us. Luckily that wall was never finished and it crumbled to dust once I left the church. Now I have no trouble letting him know exactly what I think. We have an incredible amount of respect for each other and can share freely without worry.

It's true that the tongue can be incredibly destructive if one does not "take every thought captive..."
(2 Corinthians 10:5). Ephesians 4:29 warns us to not "let any unwholesome talk come out of [our] mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Basically, there needs to be balance, and ultimately, there needs to be love.