Day 66: The Talk:
"The Lord your God will change your heart and the hearts of all your descendants, so that you will love him with all your heart and soul and so you may live." —Deuteronomy 30:6
Today's lesson is focused on the heart—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Dr. Anderson shares a story about a man named Dwayne who was what he called a "dead man walking." Dwayne had dangerously high (LDL—bad) cholesterol, smoked two packs of cigarettes a day and refused to take his high blood pressure medicine because he said it "made him feel tired and weak." Dr. Anderson was able to convince him to change his ways so that he would be able to live to walk his daughter down the aisle. Two years after their heart-to-heart talk, Dwayne came in for a check up and showed Dr. Anderson "a photo of himself with a beautiful young woman." He had stopped smoking, dropped 50 pounds, and got his blood pressure and cholesterol under control. When Anderson asked where the photo was taken, Dwayne said, "At my daughter's wedding."
With Dwayne's story, Anderson reminds us that we "only have one heart." We need to "care for it spiritually, emotionally, and physically." Although his story is focused more on the physical care of the heart, I am sure that for Dwayne to be successful in reaching his goals he had to take care of his heart spiritually by relying on God and emotionally by continually thinking about his family and how he wanted to be there for them.
About three years ago I started my own get fit journey for similar reasons as Dwayne, except I was not a smoker, nor did I have high blood pressure. However, I was 50 pounds overweight and I felt awful. I had to do something because my weight was beginning to affect me emotionally. It took 51 weeks to lose the weight and I have been able to keep it off and still enjoy the occasional treat. I work out 6 days a week at least 25-60 minutes a day, sometimes more depending on the day. Now that I have generally reached my physical goals, I am working on my emotional and spiritual health—thus this blog and the personal growth books I've been reading. In addition, I have found a church that I can trust and devote my heart to, which is fantastic because I was so reluctant to get involved with a church again. It is the United Church of Christ and they are an open and affirming congregation. UCC describes itself as different in the way it approaches faith and spirituality. "Instead of requiring everyone to believe a 'checklist' of things about God, [they meet] to walk together on a common journey seeking to learn more about God," and they believe that "the questions and doubts we encounter are more important than the answers we seek." They "gather as God's people to discern Christ's way, seek social justice, and discover the Holy." They keep the life and teachings of Christ and "joyfully and unconditionally welcome all people of any age, gender, gender identity, gender expression, race, culture, ability, or sexual orientation into [their] community of faith and affirm the worth of all people as unique individuals made in God's image." Their openness and their affirmation of acceptance and love for all people is what has kept me coming back.
My friend Amelia, who is a pastor at UCC, invited me to attend their Christmas Eve service. I fell in love and have continued to go each Sunday and even attended their Women's Retreat that was held a few weeks ago. The retreat was the most amazing experience. I have been to women's retreats before, but nothing like the one UCC held. The activities were so different from what I have been used to for such events. We meditated, created zen-tangles and a gratefulness journal, participated in a mandala prayer, and had a lesson on sisterhood like no other lesson I have ever heard.
The lesson on sisterhood was given by Pastor Joanne, a woman I have come to deeply respect and admire. She shared with us stories about the women she served in prison and how they had a sisterhood just as we do, but perhaps even stronger because of their circumstances. The stories she shared were profoundly moving and personally convicting. I had never really thought about the women in prison before as a sisterhood, a community of love, warmth, and respect. When she was finished with her lesson we each got to pick up a few paper cut outs representing the women in prison. On each cut out was written the name of a particular sister. I picked up Luc and Janice and was able to find out more about them so I could pray for them more specifically. Joanne has a way of making lessons tangible and lasting. Something so simple as a cut out figure and a few details has brought these two women into my life. I have never met them, but I can honestly say that I love them. I have their paper cut out images on my desk and I think of them everyday and pray for them.
I'd have to say that the mandala prayer was my favorite activity. I call it a prayer because that is what it felt like, but it was unlike any other group prayer in which I have ever participated. The gals leading the activity had a bouquet of flowers that they had taken apart, separating the flowers from their stems. All of us participating stood around a large table with a sheet on it and added flowers to the one placed in the center, doing so symmetrically until all of the flowers and even the stems were used. As we laid down our flowers, if we wanted to, we could say something that we hoped for, wished for, were grateful for, or simply something that we were concerned about. The act of placing the flowers was a physical representation of praising God and laying down our worries and concerns before Him. It was a prayer—a most intensely beautiful prayer.
Once we finished the mandala and took pictures of it, we were each given a sandwich bag to take some of the flowers with us to place in a river of our choosing. I let most of mine go in Left Hand River which runs behind my house (it's only a few blocks away). I kept two of the flowers because they reminded me of my mother. I was drawn to these two flowers immediately and knew exactly what I would say as I placed them on the table. I didn't want to give them up to the river. I haven't decided what I will do with them, but I wanted to keep them close to me, like the memories I have of my mom. Though I still cry over the loss of her, the sting of it is gone; it's been replaced by a feeling of warmth. Rebuilding my relationship with God has helped me to become more confident in my belief that I will see her again.
I am so grateful for what God is doing in my heart as I reach out to Him. I can feel Him working, helping me to grow in my faith, a lasting faith. Building a relationship that is mine and His, a relationship in which I can feel safe to be who I am even as I strive to become who He wants me to be. My former church leaders used to use the phrase, "It's a heart issue" all the time, not always in the most positive way, but they are right. It is a heart issue. When you give yourself wholeheartedly to God, he gives you the desires of your heart.
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| Some pictures from the Women's Retreat and the release of the flowers into Left Hand River. |
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