March 31, 2017
Day 85: Prayers and Praise:
“Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert
and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.” —Ephesians
6:18
I can completely relate to Art, the man of Anderson’s tale
today. He had stopped praying and
talking to God for a long time, but when he found out that he had cancer, he
began to pray again. He admitted to Dr. Anderson that he felt somewhat guilty
for doing so and was concerned about whether or not God heard his prayers. He
felt bad for only praying now that he needed something. Anderson reassured him, “Art, God loves his
children. He wants us to come to him with our needs.” There have been multiple
times in my life when I have felt just as Art has felt. I think most of us pray
more frequently and more fervently when we are in turmoil and struggle. I know
I do. It does seem somewhat wrong and one sided. I think the important thing is
to remember to show our gratefulness to God when all is well. To let our
actions and our attitude be a reflection of our thankfulness, even though we
may not say it to God everyday. It’s like a parent / child relationship. We
don’t expect our kids to bow to us everyday, shower us with thankful words and
gratitude, and never ask for anything. We want to know their needs and their
wants and desires. We also want their attitudes and actions to reflect that
they appreciate what we do for them, not only while they are home, but as they
venture out into the world as well.
I used to tell Levi that how he behaves is a reflection of us as
parents. He represents us as he leaves our home and interacts with the world.
No pressure kid! But seriously, I think the same is true of Christians. We represent
God. How do we want others to view our heavenly father? That is a question I
often ask myself. It’s part of the reason I created this blog. After the
election, I seriously began to question what it means to be a Christian. So
much of the behavior I was seeing from professed Christians contradicted what I
believed to be true about the heart of God and the behavior of Jesus. I will
admit that I have had my doubts about God at times in my life, however my
understanding of Jesus has never wavered. Yes, I know the two are one, but I still
tend to separate them in my mind. I have spoken of it before. Jesus has always
seemed like a big brother, protecting me from the wrath of God. It’s an image I
am trying to erase, but it is one that has been perpetuated for years by church
experiences. We are told that Jesus shields us from God’s judgment and saves us
from damnation. How else could one look at that?
The trinity is something I think most of us have difficulty fully
understanding.
Day 86: A Healthy And Glad
Heart:
“No wonder my heart is glad, and my tongue shouts his praises! My
body rests in hope. For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your
Holy One to rot in the grave.” —Acts 2:26-27
The lesson today is similar to another one that Anderson gave
previously in that he speaks of a patient who survived bypass surgery and
afterward made great changes in his life, not only in regards to his eating
habits, but also in his relationship with God. Anderson recommends that when we
“are faced with a major blockage in [our] hearts or in [our] souls, we should
“look to God for a way to bypass the damage and start a new life.” I suppose he
was trying to be clever, but the phrasing is a bit hokey. Doctor word play?
Clever or not, the sentiment is one that I can appreciate. I was feeling a
“major blockage” of my heart and soul, which is why I started on this journey
of rediscovering the true nature of God.
Day 87: A Metamorphosis To A
Long Life:
“I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.”
—Psalm 91:16
In today’s entry, Anderson likens our transformation in Christ to
that of a caterpillar’s transformation into a butterfly. He says, “It reminds
me of a caterpillar that is born into this world as an egg but becomes a larva
and learns to find nourishment and sustenance on the plant leaves near where it
was born. Then one day, the larva begins
its metamorphosis. We can’t see what happens in this chrysalis transition
stage, but big changes are happening, until finally the majestic butterfly
bursts forth. This butterfly no longer has the limitations of the caterpillar. It
can fly far from where its life began. But for the butterfly to have wings, the
caterpillar must give up life as he knows it so that the completed being can be
free to fly.”
I like the
analogy, especially the line, “for the butterfly to have wings, the caterpillar
must give up life as he knows it...” so it can be free to fly. I feel like I am
at that stage of having to give up my life, as I know it. It’s exciting to
think of what may be possible if we move to Canada. Not sure if I mentioned
that before, but we are thinking of leaving the states so that our son can live
in a country that believes in protecting the rights of all individuals. We have spent our son’s spring break visiting
Canada, checking out houses and colleges and are flying back to Colorado right
now as I am typing this. I know that Anderson’s analogy is speaking of a
spiritual transformation, but I think it’s applicable in other ways as well.
Day 88: Cravings That Kill
“Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord
will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.”
—James 5:15
I suppose, as an American doctor, Anderson is going to have many
stories of people who are overweight, have unhealthy eating habits, and try to
justify why they can’t lose weight and exercise. Today’s anecdote is yet
another one about a four-vessel bypass. It took Ramon almost losing his life to
make the necessary changes. Anderson says, “Don’t try to justify an addiction” as
Ramon was attempting to do. “Surrender your will to God, and get help to get
well.”
Anderson makes it sound so easy, but for people like Ramon, it is
not. I could sense a hint of irritation in Anderson’s tone, as if he is fed up
with people justifying their “gluttony.” After all, “the Bible warns that
gluttony is a sin.” I don’t know why, but the whole tone of today’s entry
doesn’t sit well with me. I guess because it reminds me of the tone of unpleasant
church experiences that I have had, or that I have watched others have to
endure. Perhaps it’s the phrase “surrender your will to God” or “Don’t try to
justify…” It’s not to say that he isn’t right. We shouldn’t make excuses for
our poor choices and we should do our best to do God’s will, but at the same
time, I’m like, “Yeah easy for you to say. Easy for you to judge and offer
advice as to what someone else should do.
It’s just the way I took it today.
Day 89: God Is Good All The
Time:
“May all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in
you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, ‘God is great!’”
—Psalm 70:4
Reading today’s entry, I am reminded of how I felt when my mother
passed away. I did not particularly feel like shouting “God is great!” Like
Ray, the man of Anderson’s tale, I felt like nothing could make me happy. I was
easily irritated and angry all the time. Ray had lost his son, and from what I
can tell, it was unexpected. He went to
see Anderson because he needed help in overcoming the debilitating depression
he felt. In addition to prescribing medication, Dr. Anderson also offered his
perspective. “From experience,” he said, “I know we have two choices during
times of great grief. We can run from God, as I did when I was a young man, or
we can run to him. He is waiting for us with open and loving arms. Because I
waited so long to run back to God, I can say without a doubt that running to
him is a whole lot better than running away.”
I was very much like Anderson, I ran away from God and doubted if He
even cared.
Day 90: God’s Odds:
“This hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly
God loves us because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with
his love.”
—Romans 5:5
Today’s anecdote made me well up with tears. One of Anderson’s
patients was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had to have a “major surgical
operation involving several organs,” called the Whipple procedure. Mark’s
concern was that he could “go through the motions just to get to the end of it
all and still have cancer.” He could end up dying before his daughter’s
wedding, which was already moved up in the hope that Mark would be able to be
there. One thing I appreciate about Dr. Anderson is that he doesn’t give his
patients false hope in medicine, but offers an honest assessment. He told Mark,
“Dr. Paulo is one of the best, and I trust his judgment in this area. I don’t
think you’ll be disappointed with your decision. But this journey isn’t going
to be easy.”
When Dr. Anderson saw Mark again he was “twenty pounds lighter and
beginning to eat without pain.” Mark said, “I wouldn’t suggest this as a diet
plan, but if it gets me to the church for my daughter’s wedding, I’m glad I
went through it.” Mark did make it to his daughter’s wedding and even to three
years later when she gave him the best gift ever: a grandson.
I’m deeply touched by stories of people who survive cancer. I wish
my mother could have. I wish she could have seen Levi grow up. She passed away
when he was two years old. Even though my dad, Bob, believes that my mother
would have a difficult time accepting my transgender son and has told me that
he is glad that “she is not alive to see this,” I believe she would love my
child unconditionally. I know it is hard for Bob to really understand what it’s
like to be transgender or why such things occur, but he also accepts my child
and supports our decision to help Levi become the person he truly is inside.
Still, it’s a tough thing to hear. It makes me question whether I really knew
her as well as I’d like to think that I did. I believe the love that a mother
feels for a child is different, not stronger or better than a father’s love,
just different. There is nothing my
child can do that would make me lose my love for him. Nothing. Which I suppose is why I struggle to
understand how parents could push away their children if they do not meet some
expectation that either the parents or society has had for them. I just don’t get that.
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