Playing Catch Up

March 31, 2017

March 31, 2017

Day 85: Prayers and Praise:

“Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.” —Ephesians 6:18

I can completely relate to Art, the man of Anderson’s tale today.  He had stopped praying and talking to God for a long time, but when he found out that he had cancer, he began to pray again. He admitted to Dr. Anderson that he felt somewhat guilty for doing so and was concerned about whether or not God heard his prayers. He felt bad for only praying now that he needed something.  Anderson reassured him, “Art, God loves his children. He wants us to come to him with our needs.” There have been multiple times in my life when I have felt just as Art has felt. I think most of us pray more frequently and more fervently when we are in turmoil and struggle. I know I do. It does seem somewhat wrong and one sided. I think the important thing is to remember to show our gratefulness to God when all is well. To let our actions and our attitude be a reflection of our thankfulness, even though we may not say it to God everyday. It’s like a parent / child relationship. We don’t expect our kids to bow to us everyday, shower us with thankful words and gratitude, and never ask for anything. We want to know their needs and their wants and desires. We also want their attitudes and actions to reflect that they appreciate what we do for them, not only while they are home, but as they venture out into the world as well. 

I used to tell Levi that how he behaves is a reflection of us as parents. He represents us as he leaves our home and interacts with the world. No pressure kid! But seriously, I think the same is true of Christians. We represent God. How do we want others to view our heavenly father? That is a question I often ask myself. It’s part of the reason I created this blog. After the election, I seriously began to question what it means to be a Christian. So much of the behavior I was seeing from professed Christians contradicted what I believed to be true about the heart of God and the behavior of Jesus. I will admit that I have had my doubts about God at times in my life, however my understanding of Jesus has never wavered. Yes, I know the two are one, but I still tend to separate them in my mind. I have spoken of it before. Jesus has always seemed like a big brother, protecting me from the wrath of God. It’s an image I am trying to erase, but it is one that has been perpetuated for years by church experiences. We are told that Jesus shields us from God’s judgment and saves us from damnation. How else could one look at that?

The trinity is something I think most of us have difficulty fully understanding.

Day 86: A Healthy And Glad Heart:

“No wonder my heart is glad, and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope. For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your Holy One to rot in the grave.” —Acts 2:26-27

The lesson today is similar to another one that Anderson gave previously in that he speaks of a patient who survived bypass surgery and afterward made great changes in his life, not only in regards to his eating habits, but also in his relationship with God. Anderson recommends that when we “are faced with a major blockage in [our] hearts or in [our] souls, we should “look to God for a way to bypass the damage and start a new life.” I suppose he was trying to be clever, but the phrasing is a bit hokey. Doctor word play? Clever or not, the sentiment is one that I can appreciate. I was feeling a “major blockage” of my heart and soul, which is why I started on this journey of rediscovering the true nature of God.

Day 87: A Metamorphosis To A Long Life:

“I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.” —Psalm 91:16

In today’s entry, Anderson likens our transformation in Christ to that of a caterpillar’s transformation into a butterfly. He says, “It reminds me of a caterpillar that is born into this world as an egg but becomes a larva and learns to find nourishment and sustenance on the plant leaves near where it was born.  Then one day, the larva begins its metamorphosis. We can’t see what happens in this chrysalis transition stage, but big changes are happening, until finally the majestic butterfly bursts forth. This butterfly no longer has the limitations of the caterpillar. It can fly far from where its life began. But for the butterfly to have wings, the caterpillar must give up life as he knows it so that the completed being can be free to fly.”

I like the analogy, especially the line, “for the butterfly to have wings, the caterpillar must give up life as he knows it...” so it can be free to fly. I feel like I am at that stage of having to give up my life, as I know it. It’s exciting to think of what may be possible if we move to Canada. Not sure if I mentioned that before, but we are thinking of leaving the states so that our son can live in a country that believes in protecting the rights of all individuals. We have spent our son’s spring break visiting Canada, checking out houses and colleges and are flying back to Colorado right now as I am typing this. I know that Anderson’s analogy is speaking of a spiritual transformation, but I think it’s applicable in other ways as well.

Day 88: Cravings That Kill

“Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.” —James 5:15

I suppose, as an American doctor, Anderson is going to have many stories of people who are overweight, have unhealthy eating habits, and try to justify why they can’t lose weight and exercise. Today’s anecdote is yet another one about a four-vessel bypass. It took Ramon almost losing his life to make the necessary changes. Anderson says, “Don’t try to justify an addiction” as Ramon was attempting to do. “Surrender your will to God, and get help to get well.” 

Anderson makes it sound so easy, but for people like Ramon, it is not. I could sense a hint of irritation in Anderson’s tone, as if he is fed up with people justifying their “gluttony.” After all, “the Bible warns that gluttony is a sin.” I don’t know why, but the whole tone of today’s entry doesn’t sit well with me. I guess because it reminds me of the tone of unpleasant church experiences that I have had, or that I have watched others have to endure. Perhaps it’s the phrase “surrender your will to God” or “Don’t try to justify…” It’s not to say that he isn’t right. We shouldn’t make excuses for our poor choices and we should do our best to do God’s will, but at the same time, I’m like, “Yeah easy for you to say. Easy for you to judge and offer advice as to what someone else should do.  It’s just the way I took it today. 

Day 89: God Is Good All The Time:

“May all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, ‘God is great!’” —Psalm 70:4

Reading today’s entry, I am reminded of how I felt when my mother passed away. I did not particularly feel like shouting “God is great!” Like Ray, the man of Anderson’s tale, I felt like nothing could make me happy. I was easily irritated and angry all the time. Ray had lost his son, and from what I can tell, it was unexpected.  He went to see Anderson because he needed help in overcoming the debilitating depression he felt. In addition to prescribing medication, Dr. Anderson also offered his perspective. “From experience,” he said, “I know we have two choices during times of great grief. We can run from God, as I did when I was a young man, or we can run to him. He is waiting for us with open and loving arms. Because I waited so long to run back to God, I can say without a doubt that running to him is a whole lot better than running away.”  I was very much like Anderson, I ran away from God and doubted if He even cared. 

Day 90: God’s Odds:

“This hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

—Romans 5:5

Today’s anecdote made me well up with tears. One of Anderson’s patients was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had to have a “major surgical operation involving several organs,” called the Whipple procedure. Mark’s concern was that he could “go through the motions just to get to the end of it all and still have cancer.” He could end up dying before his daughter’s wedding, which was already moved up in the hope that Mark would be able to be there. One thing I appreciate about Dr. Anderson is that he doesn’t give his patients false hope in medicine, but offers an honest assessment. He told Mark, “Dr. Paulo is one of the best, and I trust his judgment in this area. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed with your decision. But this journey isn’t going to be easy.” 

When Dr. Anderson saw Mark again he was “twenty pounds lighter and beginning to eat without pain.” Mark said, “I wouldn’t suggest this as a diet plan, but if it gets me to the church for my daughter’s wedding, I’m glad I went through it.” Mark did make it to his daughter’s wedding and even to three years later when she gave him the best gift ever: a grandson.

I’m deeply touched by stories of people who survive cancer. I wish my mother could have. I wish she could have seen Levi grow up. She passed away when he was two years old. Even though my dad, Bob, believes that my mother would have a difficult time accepting my transgender son and has told me that he is glad that “she is not alive to see this,” I believe she would love my child unconditionally. I know it is hard for Bob to really understand what it’s like to be transgender or why such things occur, but he also accepts my child and supports our decision to help Levi become the person he truly is inside. Still, it’s a tough thing to hear. It makes me question whether I really knew her as well as I’d like to think that I did. I believe the love that a mother feels for a child is different, not stronger or better than a father’s love, just different.  There is nothing my child can do that would make me lose my love for him.  Nothing. Which I suppose is why I struggle to understand how parents could push away their children if they do not meet some expectation that either the parents or society has had for them.  I just don’t get that. 

Catching Up

March 25, 2017

Day 82: The Strength Of Old Age:

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.” —Psalm 39: 4-5

When I read the first line of this scripture I thought, No. Don’t remind me. Though there is great truth to Anderson’s lesson today, I am not particularly fond of it. He basically talks about a patient of his named Marty who was beginning to feel his age. Each time he tried to add physical activity to his life, he injured himself. “At sixty, there seems to be diminishing return to my efforts,” Marty said. “I go for a run, and my feet ache for two weeks. I lift weights, and my shoulders lock up…” I am beginning to be able to relate to Marty. Now that I am 45, almost 46, I can already feel my body beginning to slow down. I don’t have the stamina that I had even just two years ago. I do okay, just not as well as I used to. Dr. Anderson’s advice is to embrace the aging process, thank God for the time that we have had, and go gently into that good night.  Well, sort of.  He suggests that we remember, “It was the slow and steady tortoise who ultimately finished the race.”

Day 83: War And Peace:

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” —Isaiah 26:3

Anderson’s anecdote for “War and Peace” is about a patient of his named Kari.  She came to Dr. Anderson because she was having trouble sleeping at night. She said, “My mind keeps running over things that I should have done, should be doing, or have done wrong. I keep obsessing about this or that. I’ve tried counting sheep, but then I obsess about how the sheep look. I have so many crazy thoughts running through my mind.” I kind of chuckled a bit at the obsessing over “how the sheep look” because I could relate to that.  When asked if she had a habit of “checking, double-checking, and maybe even triple-checking the same thing” she said, “How did you know?” I can relate to that too; however, unlike Kari, I am not (to the best of my knowledge) bipolar. I do not have seasons “with no energy and feelings of doom or dread.” I would not call the moments of my life when I have been low on energy and high on doom and dread, as “seasons.” My moments do not last that long, but I do have times where I feel “overly energetic,” and highly productive even if I have not slept well for several days. So, in some ways I can relate to Kari, but I am grateful that I do not experience the exact same things that she does. Luckily, Dr. Anderson was able to prescribed Kari medication and she was back to feeling normal again.

Day 84: Bringing Heaven Down To Earth:

“Your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches the clouds.” —Psalm 57:10

I don’t know why, but lately when I read the Psalms, I am finding it hard to take them seriously or be moved by them, at least not very deeply. Without even looking, I can tell when scriptures are from the Psalms. They have a distinctive tone to them. I feel as if it wrong to say that, but there it is.

All of that aside, I enjoyed learning more about Anderson as he shared how as a boy he would look up at the clouds and dream about becoming a pilot so he could “leave the bounds of earth and reach out and touch the face of God.”  I remember having similar feelings. Not necessarily about becoming a pilot, but definitely about seeing the face of God. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Anderson was not able to become a pilot.  He failed the eye exam. Even though he was disappointed, “God was faithful” and “started a new work in [Anderson’s] soul.”  Anderson says, (I love this part) “God revealed to [him] that heaven is not some faraway place beyond the clouds. Rather it is a very real place that stretches back to us here on earth. We don’t have to run toward heaven and eternity because heaven is much closer than we realize. The veil between this world and the next is thin. We don’t have to run toward heaven because heaven walks alongside us here and now. We are much closer to heaven than most people think. Our last breath here will be our first breath there.”

I love that! I am fond of the image of a veil between worlds. Perhaps it caters to the child within who would have loved to have a secret passageway to another world, like in Narnia or in The Magicians. Walk through this door or this wardrobe or this thin curtain and…   When I was a sophomore, in my high school creative writing class, I wrote a short story (horrible, I might add) about crossing into another world by entering a waterfall. I don’t remember much of the plot, but I can still see the forest I had created. When I was growing up in Rhode Island, I used to play in the forest from sun up until sun down, crafting forts and imaginary worlds. It was my heaven.

Besides the whole veil between worlds, I also like the idea that “our last breath here will be our first breath there.” It’s like no time will have passed at all. We simply slip from this world to the next.  I’m not sure if that is entirely true. I’ve heard things to the contrary. I suppose we will never know until we take our last breath. 

Planting Seeds

March 22, 2017

I am on vacation, so the posts for the next two weeks are going to be a bit sporadic.  Sorry for anyone who may be reading, but I am off having adventures with my family.

Day 79: A Message From A Dead Woman:
"The promise is received by faith.  It is given as a free gift. And we are all certain to receive it...if we have faith like Abraham's. For Abraham is the father of all who believe...because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing."
—Romans 4:16-17

Incredible story Anderson shared today!  There was a woman named Eunice that suffered a heart attack while visiting Dr. Anderson. He had to have her rushed to Nashville to see a cardiologist. The Nashville doctors told Dr. Anderson that Eunice had died, but "an hour in to running code....and two hours from the time she flatlined, her heart kicked in and started beating by itself."  When she came out of the coma (three days later—sound familiar?) she wanted to speak to Dr. Anderson specifically. When he went to visit her, she told him that she had seen "Jesus and her family in the most beautiful place one could imagine" and that Jesus said He wanted [her] to come back to encourage Dr. Anderson to stay the course. Though she didn't know what that meant, Dr. Anderson did and he began to tear up.  He and his family "had been thinking about moving," but Eunice's story helped him realize that "God wanted [them] to stay right where [they] were."

Day 80: He Healed Everyone:
"After leaving the synagogue that day, Jesus went to Simon's home, where he found Simon's mother-in-law very sick with a high fever. ' Please heal her,' everyone begged. Standing at her bedside, he rebuked the fever, and it left her.  And she got up at once and prepared a meal for them. As the sun went down that evening, people throughout the village brought sick family member to Jesus. No matter what their diseases were, the touch of his hand healed every one." —Luke 4:38-40

I can imagine how in awe Anderson is of Jesus and his power to heal, especially as a medical man. How could one not be? I have often wished that I could have been alive when Jesus walked the earth. I wish I could have walked with Him. I would not have wanted to witness His crucifixion, but I would have liked to have had a face to face conversation with Him, or even just had a dinner with Him. Whenever I watch films about Jesus, I am in awe of Him. I feel inspired to keep fighting the proverbial good fight and my heart aches to met Him.

Day 81: A Withering Weed Blossom
"Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come."
—Jeremiah 33:3

Anderson begins his lesson today by sharing a story of a young woman named Cindy. When Dr. Anderson first met Cindy, she was a mess. She was addicted to drugs and alcohol and had caused an accident in which she had lost her leg and "her self-respect." As she was on the streets searching for her next fix to escape the pain of her life, she remembered how Anderson encouraged her 'to look to God when everything seemed lost." After five years, she came back to Dr. Anderson's office, only this time she had her life together and had given her heart to God. She said, "So many people were praying for me and encouraging me. Those were all seeds that took root, and now the Holy Spirit has helped them sprout and grow."

In his concluding comments Dr. Anderson reminds us to "pray for and encourage those in need, even in the worst circumstances. You never know when those seeds, planted deep in the human soul, will sprout and grow."

I agree with Anderson that we never know. I think it is rather easy for us to feel as if we are having little to no effect, especially when there seems to be no outward indication that we are. I know that as a teacher I have felt that way, like nothing I say or do is getting through and having a lasting effect. However, that was not necessarily the case. I still frequently receive messages from former students who want to share with me the effect that I had on them, whether it was a particular lesson or skill that I taught, or just something I had shared or said. I am often amazed by what they tell me. I just never knew how, when, or if the seeds I had planted would grow. Truth is, I didn't need to know. Though it is nice to hear that someone values your efforts, there is no credit to be had.

One plants, another waters, and God makes it grow (1 Corinthians 3).

Resolve To Be Resigned

March 19, 2017

Day 78: Blessed Assurance:
"Jesus traveled throughout the region of Galilee, teaching in the synagogues and announcing the Good News about the Kingdom. And he healed every kind of disease and illness." —Matthew 4:23

To sum up Anderson's lesson today: "Jesus is the only one who has ever been able to heal us completely." Although modern medicine is fabulous and has come a long way in helping diagnose, treat, and heal people, Jesus is the only specialist that can offer "complete assurance about our physical, emotional, and spiritual health."

The lesson today reminds me of things I have heard over and over again as a member of my former church. It's not that I don't see Jesus as the great physician, it's just that I....I don't know. I guess I feel like we shouldn't put our stock in that idea. He did heal every kind of disease and illness and He still can, but perhaps that is not the plan.  I have known many people who have begged God for healing either for themselves or for others and it did not come to pass. I am one of them. Though my heart cried out to God, my mother still passed away. Because I knew God could heal my mother, but chose not to, I became embittered and just assumed that my prayers didn't matter. He had the power and chose not to use it and there was nothing that I could do about it. I suppose that is why when people pray for such things they add, "Thy will be done." I was not resolved to God's will in the case of my mother. I wanted my will to be done. I never said, "Thy will be done."  If I had, perhaps I would not have felt so deeply hurt, dismayed, and spiritually shaken when she passed.

Should we pray fervently for healing? Absolutely! However, we should also resolve to be resigned to God's will. That alone could have saved me from emotional estrangement from God and immense heartbreak.

God As My Guide

March 18, 2017

Day 77: The best Advice Comes From A Great Teacher:
"Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me."
—Psalm 21:11

The focus of Anderson's lesson today is on teachers, whether they be parents, doctors, classroom teachers, or most importantly "our Creator." He says we need "someone who has gone before us and has the knowledge to show us the right path to take." Because we can be taken in by faulty advertising, health and diet fads that ultimately don't work or are not as good as they claim, and other such things, we need strong, reliable people in our lives to help guide us in our decision making, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Anderson states that, "There are many diversions that can lead us away from God and a healthy way of living. Satan is a deceiver, and he tries to attack us from all angles. But God knows the right path for us to take, and he loves us enough to guide us. When we trust him to lead us, he will not lead us astray, and he will protect us from our enemies."

All of that is fine and good, but the part about Satan being a deceiver must be a trigger for me. I didn't realize it was until I read it. Satan was such a prevalent subject in my former church. Even if he wasn't mentioned, he was always in the background. Just lurking. Anything that was not in line with God was attributed to Satan. Statements like, "Oh, Satan was really doggin' me today," or "Satan was right there, tempting me to... but I..."  I just don't think that way anymore, nor do I want to. I'd rather just take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. It's not to say that I don't believe in Satan. I have had several experiences that will never let me forget that evil is a true entity. I just don't want to give him that kind of power over me. If I consistently consider Satan and how he may be tempting me, distracting me, and leading me astray, I am essentially giving him power to rule my thoughts and control my life. Rather than focusing on Satan and the ways he can trip me up and lead me down the wrong path, I'd rather focus on God and how He is teaching me and guiding me.

It's Up To Us

March 17, 2017     Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Day 76: The Blessing Of Peace:
"My child, listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long, good life." —Proverbs 4:10

Anderson's anecdote today is about his daughter. When the children were young, Karen, Anderson's wife, used to pray for their children to be used by God "for his Kingdom in the uttermost parts of the world."  Kristen, their eldest daughter, "fell in love with a young man from Northern Ireland"—a place of great unrest. Prayer answered, but probably not in a way Karen had expected. Before their daughter's wedding, Anderson and the family prayed for God to bring peace to the region, which He did the very next day.  As Anderson and his wife were boarding the plane back to America, "the BBC announced the withdrawal of British troops from Northern Ireland. Peace soon followed." Seven years later, on Anderson's birthday, "God answered [their] prayers for peace again when Kristen gave [them] a very special gift—[their] first grandchild. They named him Callum, which means peace."

Anderson ends by reminding us that "today's proverb comes with a promise." If we will listen to God and do as he says, we will have a long and good life."

There was a part of me that while I was reading was thinking, How fantastic! Then there was a part of me that was like, Wait. This is not entirely true for everyone. There are many who listen to God and do as He says, yet do not live "a long and good life." It's this mindset (I think) that often turns people away from God. If they believe in their heart of hearts that they are following God and doing as He says, and yet are not reaping this promised benefit (at least not in their eyes) it can lead to doubt and resentment. I think in a general sense the proverb works. If we listen to our parents, because they have lived longer and know things we do not, it is likely that things will go better for us. If we listen to God, generally the same is true. I suppose it comes down to what is meant by a "long and good life."

My criticism is that it is a blanket statement that Anderson presents as an absolute truth. It may not be true for everyone. It's better to look at the proverb as the general statement that it is. Balance is once again key. Knowing when to apply such scriptures is important to that balance. As Peter Enns points out in The Bible Tells Me So, "Proverbs doesn't tell its readers what to do... Proverbs teaches wisdom. Wisdom isn't about finding a quick answer key to life...Wisdom is about learning how to work through the unpredictable, uncontrollable messiness of life so you can figure things out on your own in real time." The example that Enns uses to prove his point is Proverbs 26:4 and 26:5—"Do not answer fools according to their folly, or you will be a fool yourself."  Followed directly by "Answer fools according to their folly, or they will be wise in their own eyes."  "In other words," he states, "Don't mix it up with argumentative morons, or you'll come down to their level. On the other hand, get in the face of argumentative morons to put them in their place." So, which is it? Which one do we do?

The answer (as it is to all of our other life searching questions) is up to us. We need to think for ourselves and figure out what to do with the information we are given. I suppose this is why we often refer to our walk with God as "personal." So, should we listen to God and do what He says? I believe so. However, should we expect to live a long, good life because of our obedience? Perhaps not. Perhaps God has another plan. The real question is, are we open to it?

It's up to us.

On Eagle's Wings

March 16, 2017

Day 75: On Eagle's Wings:
"Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." —Isaiah 40:31

In today's lesson Anderson shares a story about a man named Patrick. He was not looking forward to having to tell Patrick that he had leukemia. He didn't know whether the man believed in God or what his spiritual outlook was, but on the way to speak to Patrick, Anderson saw an eagle perched on a post and was reminded of the above scripture.  Patrick took the news well and shared with Anderson that he had been a follower of Christ for 35 years. Dr. Anderson told Patrick about seeing the eagle and the two prayed together and shared stories of how God had already worked in each other's lives.

Not too much to say today.  I felt like sketching.

It's So Easy

March 15, 2017

Day 74: Compliance Is Easier In Relationship:
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you." —Psalm 51:12

I can completely agree with the first half of this Psalm; "restore to me the joy of your salvation." The second half I think naturally comes with the joy. For me, and likely for others, being willing to obey is not the problem so much as seeing it through. I am willing, but I still fall short. This is where Anderson says that God comes in. Our will "alone [is] not enough to make [us] obey." We need God's help. It's hard to even ask for God's help if we do not have a relationship with Him. Anderson states that we are more likely to be obedient "when we are in a relationship with the one requesting our compliance." I can definitely see the truth of that. Our initial response to demands from someone we hardly know is often, "wait a minute....who are you to ask ____?" Even if we comply, we may only do so to be polite or to avoid conflict. It's done begrudgingly; not exactly the spirit God is wanting from us. Even at times when my husband has asked me to do something, if we have not been close or I feel he has been distracted when I wanted his attention, I am not exactly joyful about complying. It may only be a momentary irritation, but it's still there and it's not a godly response.

Anderson's point is, if we want to be obedient to God and be joyful about it, then we need to build our relationship with Him. "When we are connected in relationship with our heavenly Father, it is easier to obey him and to follow his decrees. ...All he asks us to do is love him and then love our neighbor as much as we love ourselves. When we comply, there is great joy for both of us."

Sounds easy enough... Right?

Trust In Him

March 14, 2017

Day 73: Destruction Prevents Healing:
There is no healing for your wound; you injury is fatal. All who hear of your destruction will clap their hands for joy. Where can anyone be found who has not suffered from your continual cruelty?" —Nahum 3:19

Today's anecdote is rather depressing, but realistic. Anderson uses the story of Ryder, a drug dealer turned murderer to essentially teach us the importance of repentance. Though he doesn't speak specifically about repentance, he suggests that we should, unlike Ryder, "live [our lives] so that [our] wounds will be healed and [our] neighbors will grieve when it's [our] time to go." He describes Ryder as the "product of years of poor choices, drug use, violence, and [lastly] murder," who ended up dying from the injuries he received in a car accident that took place during a high speed police chase. Sadly, when he passed his "remains were quietly transported back to where he'd come from, and no one seemed to notice he was gone."

I suppose it is important to remember that anyone of us could be a Ryder, under the "right" circumstances. As I was reading I was thinking about a member of my family who has been in prison several times for drugs, and is now there again because of child molestation. I love this person and I am sure Ryder had people who loved him too, but our love is often not enough to help people break free of their inner demons. "There is no healing" at least not lasting healing, without repentance.
There has to be a deep sorrow and regret for wrongdoings and a change of heart, a desire to do what is good. Some people just never get there.

I also think it is important, for me especially, to remember that I am no better than anyone else. It's easy to read a story like the one about Ryder and think, "well at least I am not that bad." Honestly, wrong is wrong and bad is bad. Some sins may be more severe, but all lead to the same penalty. I don't particularly like that word "penalty," but there it is. Without Jesus, we would all suffer the penalty of our sins regardless of the degree of their severity. As unfortunate as that may seem, it is the way it is. No one likes to think of God as the God of judgement (I certainly don't), but in actuality, it is as Rob Bell says in Love Wins, "We crave judgement, we long for it, we thirst for it. Bring it, unleash it..."  He says, "Often we can think of little else. Every oil spill, every report of another woman sexually assaulted, every news report that another political leader has silenced the opposition through torture, imprisonment, or execution, every time we see someone stepped on by an institution or corporation more interested in profit than people, every time we stumble upon one more instance of the human heart gone wrong, we shake our fist and cry out, 'Will somebody please do something about this?'"

It's hard to argue against the truth of that. We have no trouble thinking of God as the God of judgement in those cases, but when the finger is pointed at ourselves, it's then that we'd like to sing a different tune. We need Jesus because we can never be perfect. We will always miss the mark (sin). As I have been writing this, I have vacillated between feeling agitated and irritable about our basic nature and again questioning why God created us to be so ridiculous, to feeling relieved and grateful that he has given us the freedom to choose and provided a way for us to overcome. Jesus says in John 16:33 that "In this world you will have trouble [that which we bring upon ourselves and that which is done to us]." But take heart! I have overcome the world."

All we have to do is trust in Him.

All Questions Aside

March 12, 2017

Day 71: How Long?
"I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain....Do not abandon me, O Lord. Do not stand at a distance, my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior."

Anderson's lesson today focuses on those who are burdened with illness and pain. As a doctor he has seen many people who suffer from "chronic, debilitating, and progressive illnesses" for which there is no cure. The best he can offer them is treatment for the pain so that they can "live as fully as possible." I imagine it is very difficult for him to see such struggle in the people he cares for, but he never gives up hope for healing. He ends with "If you're suffering right now, I pray that God will lift up your weary soul and give you strength for the day. I pray you take each day and each breath with the knowledge that he loves you and that he is in control, even when you're struggling. Though healing may not be available for you here and now, hope is still accessible. If you trust in Jesus, one day, in the blink of an eye, you will have a new pain-free body, and the suffering and anguish of this world will be gone."

While I was reading, I felt incredibly thankful that I am not in anguish because of a debilitating disease. I watched cancer consume my mother and could do nothing to stop it. It was faith shaking for me. Unlike Anderson's lesson where often times the patients he has had have been "wracked with pain," yet their hope and faith in God remained "vibrant and growing," mine wilted.


March 13, 2017

Day 72: Faith to Heal With Spit, Mud Or Just Plain Words:
"He spit on the ground, made mud with the saliva, and spread the mud over the blind man's eyes. He told him, 'Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam.' (Siloam means "sent"). So the man went and washed and came back seeing!"

I had not really thought about this before, but in the above scripture, Jesus could have healed the blind man without the unusual method of mud and saliva. He could have simply spoken and his will would have been done. So why the mud and saliva?  Dr. Anderson doesn't provide an answer to that question, but instead suggests that we "consider that Jesus may use unusual methods, tools, or people to heal [us]."

Today's and yesterday's lessons (plus some online reading) have reminded me of some problematic questions I and others have had as we try to walk with God. Questions such as: Why does God allow some people to be healed and others not? Why does God allow innocent children to get debilitating diseases and die? Why does God protect some people from incredible harm, but allows others to suffer greatly? Why would God save someone from a car accident, but not help Syrians who are fleeing from war? Why does God meet the needs of one person and not another?

Someone in a Facebook group I am in started a thread discussing her frustration with people who claim that God did this or that for them. "I needed a pen and when I looked down, there was one on the ground right in front of me." The person viewed the pen he had found as a gift from God. Meanwhile children are starving to death. Throughout the comments there were many similar stories shared. Minor, insignificant happenings of life being attributed to God working, saving, gifting. The people commenting were clearly as frustrated as the person who had originated the discussion. It got me thinking about times that I have done the same thing. For a moment I felt silly for ever having seen God working in an insignificant detail of life. I thought, perhaps I shouldn't say such things anymore, especially when there is so much injustice and evil in the world. Why should I think that God cares about the insignificant details of my life, yet ignores the most dire needs of someone else?

I'm not sure that we will ever fully understand why God does what He does, at least not as we remain here on earth. Billy Graham believes that "Someday in heaven we'll understand, but in the meantime we can only look to Him in faith and trust. If we don't, we'll only end up in bitterness, anger and confusion—and that's a dead-end road" (billygraham.org).  Chris Russell, minister and author, believes that God heals, but "healing is not always the only path that He chooses for us. Sometimes His perfect plan for our lives is to allow us to suffer and experience disease, illness, and hardship. The reason for this is that He can often teach us things through suffering that we would never be able to learn through a book or seminar, or through comfort and prosperity" (biblestudytools.com).   Though both authors try to offer an explanation, I imagine neither is satisfactory for someone who is suffering. It's easy to say these things when you are not the one affected, or when you are not personally in the middle of a crisis.

All of that aside, what other option do we really have? We have to trust. As Alister McGrath in Mystery of the Cross states, "Experience cannot be allowed to have the final word—it must be judged and shown up as deceptive and misleading. The theology of the Cross draws our attention to the sheer unreliability of experience as a guide to the presence and activity of God. God is active and present in his world, quite independently of whether we experience him as being so. Experience declared that God was absent from Calvary, only to have its verdict humiliatingly overturned on the third day." What I gather from McGrath is that we need to trust that God is present and active and that we shouldn't allow our personal experience or lack thereof to determine God's presence and involvement in our lives or in the lives of others. Our experience and perceptions are misleading. Just because we believe God is ignoring our needs or the needs of someone else, doesn't make it a reality.

Bottom line, we need to trust and believe—God will have the last word.

With God, All Things Are Possible

March 11, 2017

Day 70:  God Will Make A Way:
"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." —Matthew 19:26

In today's lesson Anderson shares a personal story of how the above scripture applied to his life. Coming from a poor family, Anderson did not have money for medical school. He was left with three choices, join the military to earn the money, take out a huge loan, or join a "relatively new program called National Health Service Corps (NHSC)." The program would allow him to pay for tuition and have $500.00 per month for living expenses. "In exchange, [he] would be required to practice primary care medicine in a poor, rural county for a specified time." Working for the poor is exactly what he wanted to do, so he signed on with NHSC. Upon finishing his residency, he was asked to serve in Ashland City, Tennessee, but the area did not have an NHSC sanctioned site. Truly feeling called to Ashland, Dr. Anderson and his wife began to pray. The local community leaders sent Anderson to Washington DC, "to beg the NHSC to reinstate Ashland City." The official word was no. Things didn't look very good, so to follow his heart, Anderson defaulted on his loan and was told to "expect a certified letter in the mail in the next few weeks detailing his fines." Two weeks later when Anderson opened the letter, to his surprise, the letter said, "Congratulations! You have been assigned to Ashland City, Tennessee. Please report for duty on July 1, 1983."

Anderson ends with, "Be ready to follow where God leads. Some things only he can make possible."

The one happening in my life that I can say without a doubt was all God is the reconciliation of my step-brother Glen's relationship with his father. My brother Todd and I prayed for that to happen for many years, but it definitely felt impossible. Glen's mother had warped and twisted his view of his father for countless years. She made Bob out to be evil and abusive. Glen wanted nothing to do with him. The last time Bob saw Glen, he was five years old; Glen is now 41. Up until a few years ago, they had not even spoken. Then, a miracle happened. Glen contacted Teri, Bob's wife, and began to reach out to him. As I mentioned in a former post, they met on Thanksgiving a few years ago and they have been getting together frequently ever since. If I were to receive no other undeniably God moment in my life again, this one would suffice for eternity. I couldn't be happier for Bob and Glen.

The Gift of Choice

March 10, 2017

Day 69: Jealousy At Work:
"A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body: jealousy is like cancer in the bones." —Proverbs 14:30

"To be healthy and happy, we need to have balance in our lives and in our work. We also need to focus on peace and joy that God has promised us. If we want to be truly healthy, we must let the anger, fear, and jealousy that we feel melt away. My patients who live peaceful lives generally have better health than those who don't. They remain calm during times of stress, they think positive thoughts even when things aren't going well, and they take life as it comes." —Dr. Anderson

The main focus of today's lesson is jealousy and how it leads to other negative emotions that prevent us from living productive, peaceful, healthy lives. Most often when we are jealous, it is in a negative sense. We are envious, covetous, and desirous or we are suspicious, distrustful, insecure, and anxious. So why is God allowed to be jealous and we are not? We are told over and over that God is a jealous God (see Exodus, Joshua, Deuteronomy, Psalms, 1 and 2 Corinthians). The problem for us is that rarely is our jealousy the kind that God has in which we are fiercely protective, vigilant, watchful, mindful, and careful toward those around us. Our jealousy is selfish; God's is protective.

I used to have a hard time with that. That and the fact that God is allowed to be angry. His anger is righteous; again, ours is most often selfish. I frequently ask myself, Why did God create us this way, or that way? Why are we so self-focused and driven to fulfill our own desires? It comes down to the fact of free will. If we did not have it, we would be automatons. How much more we appreciate love, loyalty, and kindness when someone is not forced to give it. A forced act of kindness, a forced love, or a forced loyalty means nothing. It's like an apology given when you know that the person is not truly sorry. It holds no weight, no impact, no purpose. It's a lie. God does not deal in lies. He wants the truth, even if it's battered, beaten, and worn thin.

He created us out of an abundance of love, and because he loves us, he gave us the opportunity to choose to love Him back. He gave us the gift of choice so we could be wholly our own and free. Without choice, our love, devotion, and acts of faith would be without purpose. We would be without purpose.