Conflicting Feelings

June 10, 2017

Day 157: Release From Captivity:
"You are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living."
—Romans 6:18

I don't think Anderson's title really captures what is happening in this scripture.  Release from captivity, but captured again by something else. Albeit, righteousness, but it's still captivity. It's still enslavement.  I think it's great and all, but it (meaning righteous living) can be interpreted in such a way as to be alienating, intolerant, unloving, unaccepting and unjust to others who do not have the same view of what it means to live righteously. My brother believes to live righteously he must not support my son in his transition. He must continue to call my son my daughter and use feminine pronouns although I have tried to make him aware of the emotional and psychological damage that it can cause my son.  But, my brother is set on doing what he believes is right in God's eyes.

So yeah, there's that.

Day 158: The Rule For A Long Life:
"You must serve only the Lord your God. If you do, I will bless you with food and water, and I will protect from illness...and I will give you long, full lives." —Exodus 23:26

You can just hear the other side of this: And if you don't, I will ________.   I came to Anderson's text this afternoon in the hope of being encouraged by the scriptures, but instead I feel that the thoughts I was having on my bike ride this morning are being confirmed. I was thinking about my entry a few days ago and how I said that deep down I believe God's promise is enough. I still believe that it is, but I have this nagging thought that all of God's promises come with having to fulfill a condition.  If you ______, I will _______.  Nothing is given freely. I suppose that fits with how society works. Nothing is free. Still, I feel that in order to receive God's love and blessings, there are conditions that first need to be fulfilled. To me it contradicts the notion of unconditional love. I think if it was 10 years ago, I would have looked at this scripture very differently.  I would have probably found comfort in it.

I can see both sides. After all, why should anyone, God or otherwise, want to bless a person who does not show concern or even acknowledge them?  Why should God bless and meet the needs of people who ignore Him or stand in opposition to Him? I suppose I feel that God should be above the fray. My child does not have to listen to me and follow everything I say in order to receive love, acceptance, and have his basic needs met.  Which is why scriptures like this one do not sit well with me anymore.  I can hear man behind these words, not Divinity.