Not All Who Wander Are Lost

April 22, 2017

Day 112: Making Peace With The Black Sheep:
"Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace."
—Ephesians 4:3

"Remember, Satan is the enemy, not your loved one," Anderson says in regards to the black sheep of the family. He suggests that we should do all in our power to keep the peace within our families. We need to "love [the black sheep] the way Jesus loves them—and us—offering forgiveness and restoration."  Jesus was the Good Shepard. He dropped everything to rescue a single wandering sheep.

This whole idea of the black sheep used to sit differently with me. Now, I feel as if I am the black sheep to some of my family members, mainly my brother. Because I support my son's transition, I am now out of God's favor, at least in the eyes of my brother. Maybe out of His favor is not the right phrase. Whatever the right phrase may be, my brother feels as if I should not have allowed my son to transition while under my roof. When he is out on his own, then fine. It would be out of my hands.

I knew I could never do that, prevent my son from being who he is because of some arbitrary ruling.
How could I possibly turn my back on him? The love I have for my son is incomprehensible, unmeasurable, infinite. My brother might say that if I really loved him as I say I do, then I would prevent him from transitioning and instead help him to remain a female...at least outwardly, so that God would be pleased with me and my efforts. Forget that! How on earth or in heaven could God be pleased with someone who pushes their child over the edge into the abyss with Bible in hand. I just can't do it.

I will admit, I struggle with this vision of God, one that would have me behave in such a way as to lose the trust and love of my child for the sake of supposedly serving Him. There is a part of me that thinks, what if my brother is right? What if everything I used to believe and do as a member of my former church is really how God wants me to be? What if I am supposed to be like my brother, think like him, act as he would....?

Then, out of this dark line of questioning and doubt, a voice whispers, "I know your heart."

Making peace with the black sheep is really making peace with myself. I am the black sheep; I am the wandering ewe. Perhaps that is why I love the phrase from Tolkien, "Not all who wander are lost."