Filled With Hope

July 10, 2017

Day 186: "Be Like The Olive Tree:
"I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God's unfailing love."
—Psalm 52:8

Day 187: Longevity And The Love Of The Lord:
"Moses said this about the tribe of Benjamin: 'The people of Benjamin are loved by the Lord and live in safety beside him. He surrounds them continuously and preserves them from harm."
—Deuteronomy 33:12

In Day 187's lesson, Anderson encourages us to focus on viewing everyday as a gift from God and to "use each day well," valuing what we value and loving what we love.

Day 188: Daybreak's Fresh Start:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." —Lamentations 3:22-23

I, like Anderson, get up early in the morning so that I can get things done (mostly a workout) before the "distractions of the day begin to clamor for attention." With the coming of the morn, there is a renewal of spirit, a chance to start again. Everything that happened the day before is over and we each have another opportunity to grow and change for the better.  Simply, mornings are filled with hope.

There is a song that my father and step-mother used to sing that expresses that feeling of hope. It's called "Then Came The Morning." The chorus was my favorite part:

Then came the morning, night turned into day;
The stone was rolled away, hope rose with the dawn.
Then came the morning, shadows vanished before the sun,
Death had lost and life had won, for morning had come.

Below is a video of Ernie Haase & Signature Sound singing the song. Although it's lovely, I still prefer my dad and step-mother's version.  I have it on a cassette tape somewhere. My dad played the acoustic guitar and she and he harmonized so well together. It was beautiful.

https://youtu.be/cJc-HrfLqtM

Forgiveness Brings Peace

July 7, 2017

Day 184: Secrets To Health:
"Keep the commandments and keep your life; despising them leads to death." —Proverbs 19:16

Not much to say about Anderson's lesson for day 184.  He shares a story about a man who needed to eat better and exercise if he wished to live longer.  He had hypertension, diabetes and hyperlipidemia and was a smoker. He felt as if Anderson was giving him the "Ten Commandments of Health," but there was no way around it. If he wished to feel better and live longer he had to make a change. Anderson told him "...just like the Ten Commandments in the Old Testament, these rules can help you."

Like I said, I don't have much to say.


Day 185: Peace Comes From Forgiveness:
"Jesus said to the woman, 'Your faith has saved you; go in peace.'" —Luke 7:50

I couldn't agree more with the statement that "peace comes from forgiveness." I had been deeply hurt by my father (his actions or his lack of action) than by any other person in my life before. The negative effect that he and my step-mother had on me and all of us kids was profoundly piercing. Just the thought of having to interact with him when he was around my step-mother would make my stomach go all topsy turvy with anxious dread.  Not a pleasant time.  However, now that I have forgiven him, I do not feel any of those feelings anymore. I am truly at peace and do not harbor any animosity or regret. Not having the regret is surprising really because for so long I wanted to have a relationship with my father and I wished and wished that he would reach out to me as I was reaching out to him. You would think that I would still regret that we never had the relationship that I desired we would have.  I simply let him go.  I forgave him, releasing him from all blame, and in doing so I gave myself peace.

I do wonder if it would have been different if he was not on his death bed as I forgave him. I wonder if I would have been ready to do so if he were not.  The thought of him leaving this earth without my forgiveness was too much for me.  I just couldn't see the point of holding onto all that pain. I wanted him to be free. I wanted him to go in peace. I wanted him to know that I understood and that I loved him still and wished him well.

There is a part of me that will always see him through the admiring eyes of a seven year old girl.

Focus on Joy

July 5, 2017

Day 181: Dying To Self As Christ Died For Us:

“When we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin.” Romans 6:7

“There is no CPR for a life lived apart from God. Without Jesus, we are all destined to die spiritually.” So says Anderson. This kind of statement used to mean so much more to me than it does at this moment. It used to fill me with awe at the blessing I knew I had received when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and fear for all of those who had not yet done so. But, as I sit here reading it today, I don’t feel much of anything. I suppose if I feel anything, it is slight irritation because, yet again, fear is used as a motivator. If you don’t know Jesus, you’re going to Hell. You don’t want that now, do you? That is really what Anderson is saying. The whole thing makes me tired.  The scripture itself should be empowering. When we died with Christ we were set free. Sin has no power over us. However, Christianity, as it is too often presented today, doesn’t resonate with freedom. I can see why people turn to other philosophies; ones that encourage a sense of connectedness: a connectedness to each other and to the earth and to the universe...and ultimately to the Creator of the universe. With Christianity there seems to be a pervasive us vs. them mentality. I’m so over it. 

Day 182: A Map That Is Never Outdated:

“You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.” —Psalm 16:11

Today’s lesson is all about trusting God’s Word (the Bible). Anderson says, “Everything I wanted to know about life was contained in those sixty-six books, bound into a single volume.” I used to believe that for myself, but I don’t anymore. I used to fear looking outside of the Bible for answers. I felt that if I did I would be straying from the path and I would lose my salvation. Though I still believe that the Bible can be used to guide us, I’ve lost the belief that it is the end all be all of God’s communication with us. I think there is more to our existence and to His than what the Bible can express. It’s a good starting point, but I don’t think it ends there. 

Day 183: Approaching The Throne Of The Omnipotent:

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." —James 1:5

Why on earth would God rebuke someone for asking for wisdom?  Of course he wouldn't.  That was my first thought upon reading Day 183's scripture. Today's another one of those days where I woke up feeling ill at ease. Just sort of "GRRR" inside. To combat that feeling I meditated for 10 minutes and then made a plan for my day. In all actuality writing this entry was not on my plan, but I figured why not catch up on what Anderson had to say before I go for a bike ride and pick up my last check from A&J Antiques.  I closed my booth over a week ago in preparation for our move to Canada. Because it was in the middle of a pay period and we were leaving for a trip to Chattanooga, I had to wait until we got back to pick it up. My kid is going to drive me up to Fort Collins today to get it and say my goodbyes.  Yes, he has started driving. Has his official driver's license and all. It's a scary thing when your baby starts driving... but I digress.

Back to Anderson.. In today's lesson he shares the connection he saw between The Wizard of Oz characters' relationships and our relationship with God. "Each character in the show is broken. The Cowardly Lion needs courage. The Tin Man needs a heart, and the Scarecrow needs a brain. But without Dorothy to escort them to the Emerald City, they would have remained forever stuck right where they were. They needed Dorothy to approach the great wizard on their behalf. They needed her to intercede for them."  

It was easy to see where Anderson was going with his tale. Jesus is our Dorothy, only better. "We have God's own Son interceding on our behalf before the Father. Because Jesus is our advocate, we can submit our requests to the all-powerful God of the universe with confidence."  

I appreciate the fact that Jesus intercedes for us and I know that we are broken, but why is our brokenness always such a strong focus? Is it because if we don't admit we have a problem how can we even begin to fix it?  How many times must we admit we have a problem or that we are a problem? Every day, every moment? I say all of this and in my head I hear the old "that's pride talking" speeches of my past. It's not that I don't want to admit that I am sinful and in need of Jesus. I know that I am. I just wonder when will it be enough? I can't imagine my own child waking up everyday telling me how broken and unworthy he is of my love and grace and yada yada, and how much he appreciates my patience, care and guidance.  I'd rather have him recognize his worth and have his appreciation shine through all that he says and does. I feel as if many of Anderson's lessons and nearly all the lessons I have heard in the past have this sort of "we're so unworthy" tone that undercuts the joy of salvation.  Joy is not the focus.  

I want JOY to be mine. 

All Things Are Possible With God

July 2, 2017

Day 177: Last Chance For Recovery:
"Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God, for your sins have brought you down. Bring your confessions, and return to the Lord. Say to him, 'Forgive all our sins and graciously receive us, to that we may offer you our praises.'" —Hosea 14:1-2

Anderson's story for Day 177 is similar to others in that a man who struggled with alcohol addiction was able to overcome with God's help. Anderson does not make light of the struggles the man faced as he fought to stay sober, but he, of course, ultimately attributes the man's success to God and the man's dependence on Him to see him through. Reminding us once again that we should never give up because it is "never too late for God to pull you through."

Day 178: The Blessings Of Choosing Life:
"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!" —Deuteronomy 30"19

Day 178 is all about making good choices, specifically good health choices. Anderson shares a story about a man who desperately wanted to avoid being like the other men in his family who died in their forties due to heart disease.  With Dr. Anderson's help and the man's faith in God, he was able to lose 100 pounds, drop his cholesterol, and live to see his grandchildren. Anderson uses the story to remind us of the importance of the choices we make. They can either lead us to blessings or to curses. Luckily for Danny, the man of Anderson's tale, his choices led him to blessings.

Day 179: Power Over Death:
"Soon afterward Jesus wen with his disciples to the village of Nain, and a large crowd followed him. A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The young man who had died was a widow's son, and a large crowd from the village was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. 'Don't cry!' he said. Then he walked over to the coffin and touched it, and the bearers stopped. 'Young man,' he said, 'I tell you, get up.' Then the dead boy sat up and began to talk! And Jesus gave him back to his mother." —Luke 7:11-15

Anderson doesn't offer much beyond the actual scripture in this lesson. He mainly marvels over the power that Jesus has. Who wouldn't?! Could you imagine being this boy's mother? What an experience! How grateful and how in awe she must have been.

Day 180: A Marriage Restored:
"O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health." —Psalm 30:10

I remember growing up wishing that my parents (both sets) could restore their relationships. I didn't necessarily wish they could restore their marriages, but I did wish that they could all get along, like they seemed to be able to do before my father and my step-father's wife married and moved to Louisiana. [Yes, my father married my step-dad's ex wife. Imagine two sets of couples, they switched wives. It wasn't like, "Hey, I like your wife. Want to trade?" But that is essentially what they did.]

That day of restoration never came. Now my mother and my father have passed away and my step- parents will likely never speak again. Growing up I had hoped that somehow God would use us kids to help restore civility between our parents. God apparently has had a different plan.

I am grateful that I grew up with my mother and my step-dad. I was actually just thinking about that this morning as I woke up. I remember being so upset with my mother for not letting me move to Louisiana to live with my father. I deeply desired to have a relationship with my dad and was willing to put up with the occasionally unsettling behavior of my step-mother in order to do so. However, as time passed, I began to understand why my mom was unwilling to let me go. She knew how toxic my step-mother could be and she didn't want me anywhere near that.  She knew things that I didn't know and didn't fully understand.

It's so sad really. Now that my father has passed away, my step-mother doesn't have anyone who deeply loves her. [Beyond God]. That is so horrible to say, but I believe it to be true. She has alienated everyone with her abusive behavior, even her own children. She is lucky that my father's sister is willing to take her and my foster sister's two boys in. It is truly a mess. My step-mother is blind and has no way to care for her and the boys' basic needs, financially or otherwise. My aunt is willing to move them all to her house and care for their needs and my step-mother is fighting against the opportunity. She'd rather make my aunt drive two hours away every other day so that she and the boys can stay in their current run down trailer.  My step-mother just doesn't get it.

My hope is that somehow Glenda, my step-mother, will realize that she can't continue to behave as she does. She has to stop taking advantage of people and start being grateful for whatever assistance anyone is able to offer her. I do hope that at some point she and her son Glen will be able to restore their relationship, but I am not holding my breath.

Though I truly believe that God can do anything, I also believe that we need to be open and willing to accept His assistance. Each person that Anderson share's about in his book at some point reaches that stage.

I don't believe that my step-mother is there yet.

To be fair, I am not always there yet.

Though I do not wish to be a part of my step-mother's life, I do wish the best for her as she continues her journey. I hope she will find peace. With God, all things are possible...even this!